Blonde Girl. One Year. China.

Panda Sex

2012-01-18T01:03:00.000+08:00

Pandas HATE having sex.

That’s why they’re endangered.

They're like the Katherine Heigl of the animal kingdom… totally adorable but super moody.

Let me tell you how I know this so you don’t think I’m a huge animal pervert.

I spent 8 hours at the Giant Panda Breeding Reserve in Chengdu, China… alone… because I thought they were cute. I walked out of it feeling more awkward than when I saw Michael Fassbender’s full frontal nudity in Shame… with my parents.

First, you need a quick overview of Pandas. There are approximately 1,500 Giant Pandas found worldwide almost exclusively in Sicuhan Province (Central China) but can survive in Gansu and Shanxii Provinces (also North and Central). There are 234 in captivity, and often China will give them as "gifts" to zoos. What China does is charge international zoos $1,000,000 for 10 years (Pandas live until around age 30) and require them to spend at least 1/2 of that amount of money on their upkeep (aka the international zoos must import Chinese bamboo).

Cool things about the Giant Panda Breeding Reserve.

* YANNI adopted a baby girl panda

* You can pay $100 to hold a panda. And Shaq did it.

Although they taxonomically have the teeth of a carnivore, their diet consists 99% of bamboo-- but this doesn't really fulfill their nutrient requirements, so they intentionally stay lazy, avoiding burning calories (jealous). They also poo up to 40 times per day (awesome). This laziness becomes an issue when they need to pull a Sean Paul and "Get Busy".

So once or twice per year, between March and May, female pandas start having these thoughts...

“UGH. I guess I have to keep my species alive… and I’m really not feelin’ it but I guess I can endure it from behind for awhile for the good of panda-kind”.

Pandas. I sympathise.

The females wander around the woods and rub their butts up against unsuspecting trees as a warning to the male pandas in the area that they’re DTF.

After they’re done… they go to eat bamboo and wait for their milkshakes to bring the boys to the yard.

If a male panda happens to walk by one of the panda-pheromone covered trees and gets a whiff, he immediately starts running around the woods to find the female panda to get freaky.

If the male panda can find the female they both start shouting at each other, making Chewbacca noises until the female lets him get close to her (STAR WARS FANS?! I KNEW I WAS HALF PANDA).

The hardest part about panda sex (no pun intended) is that the male has to get behind the female panda and mount her without pissing her off. If he makes one wrong move she freaks out and roars and attacks him. "This. Is. What. Feminism. Looks. Like."

If the sex goes as planned--- which is rare— female pandas are pregnant for 83-160 days. Their babies look are pink, blind, toothless, and look like Mr. Bigglesworth. They are born at only 90-130 grams, which is less than 1/800 of their moms.

Once they have the baby, mother pandas will hold them for up to 3 days without eating, sleeping, or defecating--- meaning pandas are the best mommies ever (Sorry mom).

Panda reserves around the globe have been doing sexual exercises, showing videos of panda porn and giving these adorable creatures Viagra in order to get them busy. It has been successful, but they are not even close to being taken off the endangered species list. One guy said he would "eat all the pandas in order to use the money from their conservation for something useful."

To that guy calling me a racist-- start attacking him. He's a panda-eater.

So now you know why pandas are endangered.

And if you ever find yourself in a bar, and someone’s trying to get fresh with you… don’t wait until he mounts you to roar and attack him.

Pandas do it all the time for no reason.

熊猫。Xiongmao- Panda

谨慎－ jinshen- Prude.

My Real Chinese Boyfriend. FAIL.

2011-09-13T06:23:00.001+08:00

I have been joking about finally meeting my 中国男朋友 (Zhongguo Nan Pengyou), my Chinese boyfriend for months, and as much as I joke about failing... the reality is (surprise, friends)

that I actually DID have one. Despite the fact that I met him at the peak of my language skills and cultural immersion-- it ultimately did not work out. Here is the story of Dom, my Chinese boyfriend, and all the reasons why my Chinese boyfriend was a huge fail.

He was a Guido. A Guasian, if you want to get technical.

I know what you're thinking... "Arielle... he's Chinese... obvi not a Guido, do they even exist there?" Guys, i'm telling you. The boy had no idea what a guido was and I didn't know the word

意大利人? Italian man? 紧身的衣服? tight clothes? 太多科隆 too much cologne?

but I will tell you this guy looked like he was born and bred in Staten Island.

Traffic in Shanghai

I met him on a day of particularly awful traffic, when everyone in the hotel next door was being a bourgeoise meanie-pants and kept stealing my cabs before I could hop in them. Dear guests at the New World Hotel, just because you shout in English and wear ties does not make you important than the girl in front speaking Chinese that needs to get to happy hour at Cantina Agave.

Nice outfit.

Anyway... I'm standing at the street corner and I keep looking over at the lack of open taxi-cabs. Nobody is stopping. I start walking and this guy stops me by saying, "Hey. Why you looking me?"First of all, he was wearing the same outfit as Danny Zuko in Grease (shown above). Second, don't flatter yourself. But third... he had a scooter. WIN.

sorry mom.

"You looking me and I looking you." The guy spoke like a caveman but he was somewhat attractive and had a motorized vehicle and I needed to get to margaritas with my cousin 30 minutes ago.

"NIIIIIII HAOOOOOOOO". I was scooting with guido man in 45 seconds flat.

He proceeded to tell me his name was Dom. A name he chose for himself (he was struggling between Dom and Bob... names I both associate with men that look like this.

I guess to each his own?

He would not let me get off the bike without giving him my phone number... so I did, and he proceeded to call 8 times before the night was over. Overall consensus... he was mad creepy, but he did me a favor, might as well keep an open mind towards one date.

He failed at Cold Stone

Our first date was the same place I take every first date of mine in Minnesota... COLD STONE (sorry to any boy reading this realizing that he was not the only one).

You can tell a lot about a person by what they get in their Cold Stone.

If they take awhile, they might be indecisive

If they order the same thing every time they're boring

If they offer to pay, they have some manners

If not, it's not like you're down a steak dinner

If they don't get ice cream at all, it's not worth your time

Anyway, I ordered my ice cream, a Cake Batter with sprinkles, nuts and whipped cream. China neither has cookie dough, brownies, nor Reese's Cups-- which is ridiculous because they are the BEST toppings.

Remember I said you can tell a lot about a person by the way they order their Cold Stone? Dom goes up to the counter and gets Green Tea Ice Cream with NOTHING in it. First of all, you can get Green Tea at every other establishment in China. There is no reason to spend 4x as much at Cold Stone to get American Green Tea flavored anything. Second, nothing in it? NOTHING IN IT? Where are you?! Oh yeah... China. Fourth, he ordered and then model-walked away, leaving me to pay for both his and my ice creams. We didn't split it or anything. Way to go manners.

He was crazy

After we went out, while taking a walk around outside and I decided to walk near the bicycle lane. Dom grabbed me by my arm so tightly it left marks.

Let me tell you this now, all those cases we have in the USA about sexual harassment have made men extremely careful about how they treat their girlfriends but it is not the same in China. If I had a Yuan ($0.15 USD) for every time I saw Chinese girlfriends hitting their boyfriends in the subway, grabbing or yelling at one another, I'd be a rich lady.

So, Dom grabs my arm and pulls me away from the bicycle lane, proceeding to tell me in Chinese that I was "an unsafe young girl and I needed to be smarter". With an American attitude and Chinese language skills, I proceeded to tell him that he was "controlling and scary and that NOBODY, let alone a guy was ever allowed to tell me what to do". Dom found my reaction to be disrespectful and hyper sensitive. This was the point where I realized years of my mother telling me "never let anyone tell you what to do" came out in full force, but as an American I also had no idea what the characteristics of a "good Chinese girlfriend are"and how to act.

His mother called him during my rant and he covered my mouth while she was on the phone. Crazy man. He shut the phone and said, "sorry it's past my bedtime, my mother wants me home". The boy was 24 years old. I stood there on the corner with a bruised arm, alone, confused at what I had gotten myself into. I left for my Habitat for Humanity trip the next weekend and received a total of 2-3 phonecalls per day from Dom talking about our relationship and how he expected to hear from me. Obviously, I was too freaked out to answer.

Overall, I realized that the casual way Americans go about dating and our extreme sensitivity to social cues (aka not answering the phone) is not similar in China. I can't figure out if Chinese people are more committal or if they date less people or if they deal more poorly with rejection. I also don't know how things would have gone with Dom's family if I had met them; a situation I find fascinating, when two extremely culturally different individuals mix, and the familial comforts with the longterm societal implications on that.

maybe someday

What I will tell you is that my interaction with Dom made me realize the difference between racism and incompatibility, and when I am asked if I would ever date a Chinese man, I am no longer afraid to admit that it would be hard for me, especially considering the brief but significant cultural differences I have experienced between our ways of life. Obviously I am open to changing my mind but I mean... come on... if our interactions over Cold Stone are that wildly different, what happens when significant life events come up?

*to the Chinese man that keeps sending me emails telling me i'm a racist. GO HOME.

文化- wenhua- culture

摩托车- motuo che- motorcycle

冰冷的石头- binglengdeshitou- Cold Stone

How I got Super Fat in China: The Top 14 Snacks You Must Know

2011-07-13T04:44:00.001+08:00

So I gained 15 lbs. in China. I GOT FAT. Like really fat… you know when you wear leggings because your pants don’t button? I didn’t care. I was like “bring it leggings, let’s see what you got”.

Tunic Tops? Meet my love handles.

Tight dresses? Back o’ the closet with yee.

See-through/cropped shirts? Hey, everyone needs a washtowel or twenty.

So I’m sure my friends reading this are thinking “Arielle, what in God’s name happened to you over there?” Anyone who has been in my general vicinity over the past 8 or 9 years knows I am always dieting. “Spa salad, dressing on the side, no bacon, no cheese, no avocado, hold the roll, I guess hold the lettuce too… whatever, and a diet coke. Thanks” can be emitted from my mouth almost as fast as a sneeze. I will tell you what happened to me over there. CHINESE SNACKS HAPPENED TO ME. It is abundant and cheap and awesome, therefore became my significant other for my two semesters abroad. In order to justify the jiggle factory that became my rear half when dancing at the club… I am going to give you the lowdown on the top 15 Chinese snacks and the reason I was totally ok with looking 3 months preggo for 2 semesters.

煎饼Jian Bing- 2.5 RMB ($0.40 USD)

Jian Bing is called a multitude of different things by the kids that can’t speak good Chinese (burrito, crepe, breakfast thingy, “oh that one thing”) but it is definitely known (and eaten) by all. I’ll tell you how it’s made. Free dates for anyone who wants to try making it with me.

Ingredients- stone/iron cooking surface, handful of dough, eggs (standard is 1, but I like 2), crispy wonton things, oyster sauce, cilantro, weird pickled yellow pepper things, spatula, meat (optional)

1. After smacking the dough onto the flat cooking surface, you start cracking eggs and smearing them around. If you’re all beefcakey, you can add like 6. I like 2.

2. The dough-egg combo will start getting all flakey, so you fold it in half and start pouring on oyster sauce and smearing that around too.

3. And then you throw on cilantro and those pepper things and huge crispy wontons (and meat, if that’s your sort of thing) before folding into a burrito shape.

Basically, it’s crunchy and sweet and salty and hot and awesome. I’m going to go ahead and attribute the entire left half of my butt to this snack right here. It’s only available until around 11am, so if you’re visiting China. WAKE UP AND RUN.

肉 (rou) Skewers - 1-2 RMB/skewer ($0.15-0.30 per skewer)

Once the drunkies start coming out, the best food in the world starts to appear. Skewers and fried noodles. The skewers are covered in oil and spices while they’re fanned over a grill… sometimes if you’re anxious to watch your food being made you can end up smelling like a skewer. Different skewer options include pork, lamb, beef, chicken, enoki mushrooms, leeks, bread, and tofu. Some people say all the meat is dog, but brushed with lamb fat, cow fat, etc. I don’t believe it—but even if it was true… it’s delish. My friend Austin (skewer addict) was actually told by the woman making them that if she continued to come every day she would suffer health problems because of all the oil. Bring it.

炒面- Chao mian- Fried noodles- 5 RMB ($0.77 USD)

Once, after I had already eaten dinner, my friend Kassie asked me if I wanted to go get fried noodles with her. I totally lied and said I hadn't eaten dinner, and proceeded to be so full I puked up noodles in my bathroom for an hour. Ask me if it was worth it... GO AHEAD, ASK ME. (it's yes... by the way).

The fried noodles are sold on the street after 10:00 PM and have like an entire half-cup of oil, an egg, and a huge handful of noodles in them, and sometimes a meat-stick. The vegetable:everything else ratio is totally lacking. All that being said, this is for sure my guilty pleasure food. Once, on the way to work I got street noodles and while trying to discreetly eat them in the cab... I spilled and got really obvious noodle and chili pepper marks all over my white shirt. At least the client I was having a meeting with knew how much I loved China. #winning

包子- baozi- Steamed Buns- 1 RMB ($0.15 USD)

Poor people headed to China, listen up. Baozi is one of the cheapest, most accessible foods available and I have no doubt after your first bun, you will contemplate eating Baozi for every meal. The buns are bland white dough with tons of different options available for fillings. My personal favorites included tarot and custard (sweet baozi) as well as Su-Cai 素菜 (vegetable) and jie rou 戒肉- chicken. They are steamed in a huge basket looking thing, and available all day and night. They are also sold in convenience stores. If you're bored, my suggestion is have a "what's in the baozi" contest, or a baozi eating contest. If you can eat more than 5 (they're SO filling)-- I'll buy you a Tsingao beer, because that's ridiculous and you should be rewarded.

饺子- Jiaozi- Dumplings- 4-5 RMB /6dumplings ($0.60-$0.75/6 dumplings)

Jiaozi (dumplings) are the pride and joy of China (minus manufacturing and communism of course). Like baozi, they are filled with a bajillion different things and can be fried or steamed. Most of the time, when ordering dumplings they come in rounds of 6-- so when going out for lunch with friends... it was not uncommon to order upwards of 60 dumplings (I TOLD you I got fat!). The most well known food in Shanghai is called 小笼包 xiao long bao (soup dumplings). Some people suck the soup out with a straw and then eat the skin, but i'm not into that. If you go to Shanghai and don't eat these... people will scold you... and no one wants this.

xiao long bao

Scallion pancake- 1 HUGE piece- 1 RMB ($0.15 USD)

So this is just bread, but made with 200% more oil and egg and scallions (they're like onions).

Basically, they make your hands all oily and your breath taste awesome. My late apologies to all of the men I spoke to on late nights after consuming like 3-4 pieces of scallion pancakes-- I never said I was charming.

粽子- Zongzi- Glutinous Rice Cake- 3 RMB ($0.30 USD)

Zongzi is a traditional food eaten during the Dragon Boat Festival. The Dragon Boat Festival commemmorates this guy who was a poet for the emperor; he was accused of treason and then committed suicide in the river. The people didn't want his body to get eaten by fish so they raced dragon boats around and threw rice balls into the river. Those rice balls are now called Zong Zi.

Zong zi is a rice ball made with sticky rice (and fat, of course) with a filling, wrapped in corn leaves. The fillings can be egg, beans, dates, fruits, sweet potato, walnuts, mushrooms, meat, or a combination of them. They are generally steamed. Sometimes, when you get them, there's a huge chunk of fat in the middle. I overheard my roommate saying "you need to have the huge chunk of fat because otherwise it doesn't taste good". I almost died when I munched into the middle.

茶叶蛋 Cháyè dàn Tea Eggs- 3 RMB/egg ($0.46 USD/egg)

Tea eggs look way cooler than they taste. They’re boiled with tea and soy sauce and spices but the only experience I have with that was when my roommate made them and refused to wash the bowl for about a century. If you’re looking for something semi-healthy, in comparison to the other oil-filled objects, this is a good option. The skinny (miserable) girls on my program ended up consisting on these and bananas for about a month. I’d rather shoot myself in the foot.

痘疮的- Dou Chuang De- Pocky- 6-12 RMB/box ($1.00-1.85 USD)

Pocky are little biscuit sticks covered in various flavors of frosting including banana, hazelnut, chocolate, strawberry, yogurt, and (duh!) green tea. They’re sold in convenience stores everywhere and contain around 20 sticks per box. The best part about Pocky is that no matter how many sticks you think you’ve eaten there’s always like 4 more sticks waiting for you inside. The bad thing about Pocky is that everyone KNOWS how many sticks are in your box and if someone sees you eating Pocky they will without fail ask you for one. “Oh, you’ve got Pocky?” is not allowed to be followed with a “NO YOU CAN’T HAVE ANY BITCH”. It mirrors the way people bum cigarettes off of complete strangers outside office buildings, no one is ever like “yeah, I have half-a-carton but buy some of your own, you big mooch.” It’s just Pocky etiquette.

*word to the wise, Pocky Mousse is dipped 2x in frosting and comes with less sticks but each stick is more delish. Quality, not quantity, people.

**Also, reverse Pocky is called Peijoys. These have the frosting in the middle. I think they’re mediocre at best. The wine flavor tastes like grapey-cardboard.

大白兔（糖果）- Da bai du tang guo- White Rabbit 16 RMB for a huge bag ($2.47 USD)

White Rabbits are these iconic Chinese candies that are shaped like tootsie rolls, but taste like milk... or frosting... I think. Once you take off the wrapper you see above, they are wrapped in transparent, flavorless rice paper, which you are supposed to eat. This lead to me eating the entirety of the transparent, flavorless wrapping on a fruit-roll-up on my very first day of summercamp. I have never been laughed at more in my life.

Stale White Rabbits were given away for free at NYU when you got laundry tokens, so naturally I would go into get the laundry tokens almost every day and then "realize I had just done laundry", with a whole pocket full of White Rabbits.

I also bought my dad a bag of White Rabbits right after they were recalled for having poisoned milk-powder. I don't think we realized it for a month. OOPS. (mandatory SORRY MOM goes here)

玉米 yu mi- Corn (literally means Jade rice) 2 RMB/each ($0.30 USD)

When I was staying with my Chinese friend Jess in New Jersey, her dad would enthusiastically ask me every morning, “Do you want some CORN?!” Um… not really. Jess pulled me aside and whispered “oh… he does that… he really loves corn”. Confused, I forgot about it until I arrived in China. I totally get it now. I don’t know what the deal is but China’s corn is 10,000x better than corn in the United States. It’s like they inject it with starch or something. Believe me, I’m a big corn-on-the-cob hater (anyone who’s also ever had it stuck in their braces and then smiled at a family reunion can understand why) but I could eat this day-in and day-out. It’s steamed on the street without butter or salt and still tastes delicious. China WIN.

酸奶- suannai- yogurt (literally means sour milk) 2 RMB/each ($0.30 USD)

Another familiar object I saw all over the place in China was yogurt. People drink yogurt the way we drink orange juice or coke, it’s everywhere—but since I’m a Big Fat Greek yogurt snob, I must warn you that it’s different. Yogurt in China is liquid and consumed with a straw and has basically NO protein and doesn’t come in cute little white containers that make you feel insta-skinny (thanks Fage) and has the same amount of calories. Maybe more.

Lately I’ve been getting a lot of hate-mail from someone in China telling me I’m racist. I can tell they’re going to be like “you know nothing about China or its yogurt you big fat racist” but I will say this, and I will say it right now. Listen hater. China’s not known for its yogurt. Never has been. Get off the internet and deal.

珍珠奶茶- Xin Zu nai cha- Bubble tea 6-8 RMB ($1.00-1.30 USD)

Bubble tea is one of those things that people always talk about avoiding but you see them enjoying it every day (cigarettes, post-work happy hour, the snooze button, dessert, etc.) It’s usually milk-tea (sweet & condensed milk, none of that skim nonsense) but you can also get mango smoothies, weak coffee, or some kind of chocolatey milk. The scary and misunderstood thing about bubble tea is the bubbles. On the bottom of every cup is around 3/4 cups of black tapioca balls that glide up your straw for fun little surprises as you drink your tea. Here is a word to all of those cute little Chinese girls second semester. Just because you don’t know what tapioca IS does not mean it doesn’t have calories. For example, I don’t know what Everclear IS exactly, but I know it has alcohol. Here’s the big shocker about bubble tea. Guess how many calories are in 1/2 cup of the tapioca bubbles… (most people guess about 200 calories)… WRONG. It’s like 650 calories. I know, I just peed myself too. After I found this out, I didn’t get bubble tea ever again. I’m absolutely scarred. If you ARE looking for a good time though, it’s really fun to spit the bubbles at people because the tapioca is so starchy it sticks to people’s shirts and makes them look like poppy seed muffins. You need itty bitty little tapioca balls to do this successfully without them noticing, then you can follow them around humming “do you know the muffin-man”. Pretty awesome, huh?

Day 4: Building Houses with Habitat for Humanity-- babies. Babies. BABIES!!!

2011-05-21T12:57:00.001+08:00

Official Team 1 Building Group. Group Leader always gets the blue hat. WOOO BAM. THAT'S ME.

Spent the morning working with this boss, then made friends with a female construction worker (who kept telling me her 21 year old son was 很帅很聪明, 会最喜欢你- so handsome, so smart, will like you the most). I was her best friend when I said that I would consider moving to Sichuan (the middle of nowhere) to marry him (totally joking). She didn't think I was joking, so I had to spend the rest of the afternoon talking about my brilliant future in America with her son. Too awkward.

We peaced out and went to a kindergarten which was the first thing Habitat for Humanity built after the earthquake. The little kids danced for us and then we got to play with them for 30-45 minutes! Best 30-45 minutes of my life. I dominated at musical chairs until the moment I realized that I was fiercely competing with 6-year-olds.

That night we had our closing-ceremony where everyone took 1000 pictures and said goodbye to each other, exchanging contact information and hugging. A lot of hugging. Again--- what did I tell you--- Habitat for Humanity is basically a summer camp. So, what did we do? What all summer-camp counselors in Minnesota do for fun when they're bored... we begged someone to drive us into town so we could buy fireworks and almost singe off our hands. Great way to end a long week of work.

the staff

Day 3: Building Houses with Habitat for Humanity- Building Professionals and Celebrity Appearances

2011-05-21T11:23:00.001+08:00

Day 3-- it seems like we are semi-pro at building now. We make assembly lines to hand each other bricks, and I am seen carrying cement in buckets back and forth slowly dirtying my legs to look more and more like I am part-human part-elephant. We even got to get up on scaffolding because the walls were so high! I contemplated calling my mother to tell her "Mom. Screw law school, i'm becoming a 师傅-shifu (construction worker)"!.

Let me just tell you now that for every 1 picture I put up of me building... Habitat for Humanity has photographed 2 more of me eating.

An hour after breakfast we took a break for snacks. OH THE SNACKS.
Kit-Kats, cookies, coffee, tea, 4 kinds of biscuits, rice cakes, etc. I think I stole an entire bag for the workers upstairs. SHHH. SORRY BOSS.

We come back from a thirty minute snack-break to see that the walls are 2 feet higher than when we left. We realized that every time we took a break, the construction workers (hired by Habitat for Humanity to work and direct us) would continue. Let me be honest with you, I think they did 70% of the work on those apartments we built. They were able to lay bricks almost as fast as my father eats blueberries. Let's be real, David doesn't mess around. He pops a whole case at once. One minute. BOOM. DONE. Blueberries devoured. Brick wall built. They literally did everything for us. They measured a straight line to level the wall, and showed us which way to lay the bricks, and then stopped us whenever there was a hole for a window or plumbing. At one point I just said "to heck with this, I just want to chat" so I spent the morning talking about pandas and handing my construction worker bricks and stolen snacks to save him some time.

nomnomnom

Lunches at Habitat for Humanity builds are super Asian--- one big bowl of rice, one bowl of oily noodles or meat, and one bowl of vegetables. It usually ends up on people's foreheads because they fall asleep on the table. 很好- hen hao- nice.

After lunch, we moved to shovel sand into wheelbarrows and stack bricks. The bricks were to be stacked at about 500 bricks per load, and then when we were done constructing this bundle, a crane would pick it up and take it away, then we'd start again. After this day, I actually had biceps. Real ones! I also had re-acquired my passion to go to law school.

After absolutely no shower at all, everyone went to a hot-pot dinner (of which I will elaborate on in a different post) where we received our phenomenon of the week---- our celebrity singer/model from Hong Kong, Kay Tse. Honestly, this gorgeous woman walked in the door and for the rest of the week Habitat for Humanity photographers were busy taking pictures of her every-move. Almost every good picture I will show you from now-on is of her. The PR from both sides was amazing--- both Habitat for Humanity photographing beautiful, famous people interested in their cause; and also Kay's team of photographers and publicists insisting on her "giving back" to charity.

Let me be honest--- i'm all for celebrity appearances... but when our promotional video of this week-long build says very little about who is receiving the houses ... but shows Kay Tse crying for 2 minutes about how sad she is people died... it is easy to roll your eyes at her constant limelight. *I hope to god my boss isn't reading this.

Tomorrow--- we build houses in the morning and go to a Kindergarten in the afternoon! CHINESE CHILDREN! YES! What could be better?! I'll tell you--- we get to give them Mickey Mouse hats. 太可爱了TAI KE AI LE. Too Cute.

Day 2: Building Houses with Habitat for Humanity-- Wet and Sloppy

2011-05-10T20:31:00.002+08:00

KHAAASSHHHPPFFFFF BOOOOM. Cool. I woke up to thunder and lightning, not "Boom Boom Pow". First thoughts racing through my head... "I really should have bought that cute hot pink rain-jacket while I was in the city". Yes, I know... i'm dumb and didn't bring a rain-jacket (my favorite ones are way too adorable to get NEAR cement) So I decided to garbage-bag it. Too bad all the cafeteria had were sandwich baggies. Thank god Habitat for Humanity paid for my rain jacket that looked like a cross between a fireman jacket and graduation robe-- otherwise it'd be a pretty awful excuse for a wet t-shirt contest.

Handing out flowers to commemorate those that died

We got on the busses in the pouring rain to see the site where the 2008 Sichuan Earthquake hit (we are the last volunteer group to provide disaster relief). Before the earthquake, there were originally 324 households and 1263 people; but after the earthquake, the ground cracked, sending black rocks everywhere as the mountain above fell, burying over 780 people underneath 100 meters of earth. Here is a picture of the mound where the houses are still buried under the ground. It was incredibly moving to see such as sight. Also, a local man who lost his entire family (he was away on business) spoke to us, thanking us for our contribution. Totally moving.

Underneath this mound of dirt is where 184 households were buried in a matter of minutes.

Afterwards, we went to the build site, where our job was to lay bricks. We listened to the Chinese contractor say "ting dong hai mei you?!" meaning "do you get it or not?" over and over. Whatever. They made it look so easy, obviously we can handle it. NOT. It probably took us 3 hours to build a 1.5 foot high wall. We took turns shoveling cement into buckets (it was plopped down like a kiddie pool by our feet) and handing bricks down assembly line style.

We ended with a long dinner, where I avoided the table drinking beer (and the poker/whiskey filled after party) to stay graceful and professional. Mommy.... for once... i'm totally not sorry.

I swear someone is going to mud wrestle in the cement by the end of the week.
I also think the official Habitat for Humanity photographer is beyond attractive, which is getting me into trouble because frequent eye contact leads to increased picture taking, and wet, cement filled pictures of me eating do absolutely no justice.

Updates tomorrow. With love from Sichuan,
Arielle

Day 1: Building Houses with Habitat for Humanity-- Just like Wet Hot American Summer

2011-05-09T22:01:00.000+08:00

I wasn’t really excepting to gain “relevant work experience” as a summer-camp counselor. Large international companies rarely hire based on an affinity for play-doh, ring pops, and the ability to shout long distances; but again, China, you have surprised me.

Day 1 at this Habitat for Humanity build has been a breeze of helping people with their luggage, and answering basic questions about myself including my lack of boyfriend and (apparently surprising) presence of (awesome) Chinese skills. I have also been made aware that a large group of Hong Kong’s Disneyland executives are helping to build. They have already noted that I share a name with a Disney princess… they have yet to discover that I know everything about every-single-one of their movies including a fully self-choreographed dance the original Fantasia.

oh, ni hao friend!

Tomorrow we actually start building—apparently I wasn’t supposed to bring anything but long pants—but I did NOT just spend $30 at Chinese Wal-Mart on cutesy shorts (including the BEST multicolored seersucker pair) to match my 3 new Habitat for Humanity t-shirts. I guess I’ll just wait for them to yell at me to change.

Swag > Safety

I have been designated “Team Leader” to all the English speakers. 3-4 of them will be laying down bricks, 1-3 will be helping distribute materials, and I will be roaming around with my clipboard looking important…or trying to, at least. My job description is literally “ensure safety, make sure job gets done”. Cool. I think I can handle that. They might as well have said “look for bubble tea, count daisies, intermittently yawn and look at watch, teach Disney songs”.

We are staying in a dorm with little more than a desk and beds. If we stay somewhere too nice, then our donors will wonder where their money is going… so… yes, ladies and gentleman there is no shower curtain, as well as a lack of internet, and most devastating… no hair dryer?! I will be seen sticking my head out the bus window in due time, no worries. I’m rooming with Chloe, one of the Habitat for Humanity Sichuan staff, who is beyond adorable and has videos of “The Greatest American Dog” show on her computer. Nothing has changed from my roomies in NYC. Puppy videos prevail!

So—tomorrow.

Building houses.

Here we go.

Wish me luck.

Or not and wish me bad luck so you can continue to have a reason to read/laugh.

Xoxo!

Live Blog: Building Houses with Habitat for Humanity-- Ke$ha style

2011-05-07T11:03:00.000+08:00

My "work boots"

"Do you have steel toed work-boots to work in?" Out come my Converse All-Stars absolutely covered in gold sequins, Ke$ha style... my boss was not exactly amused. I have a feeling this whole week is going to be like this.

In addition to wandering around China, I have been working at Habitat for Humanity China since September, planning a huge event and learning corporate jargon. When I heard people were going to build houses in Chengdu, Sichuan province (where the pandas are) I freaked. I had to be there. Luckily, I was applying to win a "Funded Internship Award" from NYU at the same time-- in my essay I admitted that I would be using the money to build poverty housing and surprisingly, I actually won! $1,000 later, I am here in Chengdu and 15 minutes away from beginning my role as staff on the Habitat for Humanity team (Ke$ha sneakers and all).

Yesterday we had a meeting about logistics-- we have 80 people mostly from Hong Kong and they speak either Cantonese or English. This means that we are going to have to conduct things in 4 languages (Mandarin, Cantonese, English, Sichuan dialect). Don't worry-- I brought advil.

There is also going to be a huge group of executives from Disney (future friends, future friends) and the bosses from Habitat for Humanity's Asia Pacific offices. Aka--- these people are big deals. And they want ME to lead them around. I think i'm like less than 1/2 of most of their ages. I also still can't stop laughing when someone says fart. Oh well-- let the profesh sesh begin!

I'm going to be blogging little blurbs every day to keep people updated. I also feel like that will spread the embarrassing stories out like peanut butter, instead of me clumping them into one massive blog.

8 Days Alone in Cambodia

2011-05-01T21:52:00.408+08:00

I'm really not that ballsy; I would never have planned to show up in Cambodia alone where I neither know the language, nor how to pronounce the capitol city (it's Phnom Penh--- like p-NOM pen). But, of course, given my luck- it just sort of fell into my lap. What a funny thing my luck is.

It all started, naturally, with a crisis. The Sunday before our Friday departure my travel partner Anthony informed me that he was cancelling. Let's put this into its proper context: Anthony is probably 6 feet tall and well over twice my weight. Goodbye security blanket.

I had 2 options-- cancel and spend my spring break moping around (helllooooo dashboard confessional and cookies) or I could man-up and visit one of the wonders of the world in my last 5 weeks in Asia. Over 6 hours of Skype calls to my wonderful parents, 8 malaria pills, a pint of tears, some rapid emailing, and a fair amount of Australian dollars later-- I was booked on a Travel Indochina tour, because let's face it-- if I told my parents I was going to "backpack, stay in hostels, meet people, and go from there" they would probably offer to inject me with AIDS to save the cost and effort of travelling. So here we go-- 8 days in Cambodia. Just me. Should be interesting.

After trying to convince the Cambodian Immigration Control that the person in the passport, was in fact, me... (NO! that's ME! I swear I have brown hair! Check out my ROOTS!) I hobbled outside with my human sized backpack to see and adorable Cambodian many with my name on a sign. Relief #1. He bowed and said with a blinding smile, "Welcome to Cambodia". Loving it! We started driving and he told me about the government, tourist industry, and to "be careful walking because the local gangs like to come up behind foreigners, put paper bags over their mouths, drug them, kidnap and rob them". Relief gone. Totally not loving it. We continued to drive past slum after slum and I saw truckloads of shirtless men dressed 1/2 like Captain Jack Sparrow, and shouting Blood Diamond style. Shit Arielle, what have you gone and done now.

Before I get to the good stuff... you're gonna need a...
BACKGROUND OF CAMBODIA

LOCATION:
Cambodia is right next to Thailand, Laos, and Vietnam

LANGUAGE:
Khmer. (អក្ខរក្រមខេមរភាសា; âkkhârâkrâm khémârâ phéasa, informally aksar Khmer; អក្សរខ្មែរ)
Thai and Burmese were based off of Khmer. It is one of the oldest writing systems in Southeast Asia (developed off of Sanskrit in the 7th century) and I found it nearly impossible to remember phrases in it. Most languages I have no problem with... but Khmer threw me for a total loop. Apparently there are 2 ways to write each vowel depending if it's a short vowel (A as in pardon) or a long vowel (A as in apple), but if you smile and look dumb, I noticed people are way more enthusiastic to help you out.

CLIMATE:
Tropical... aka sweltering and humid. I went in the hottest month of the year (April) and when attempting to blow dry my hair, I was sweating so much that it became counterproductive. Blow drying one's face isn't particularly fun, so I became accustomed to putting deodorant on my hairline... and avoiding black lights at night. If you decide to go, buy sunscreen beforehand... for about 30 hours I looked like a tomato with makeup.

RELIGION:

Theravada Buddhism. Cambodia used to be a country that practices Hinduism but one of the kings decided he wanted everyone to be Buddhist, so the temples have a lovely mix of both Hindu and Buddhist stories. I have never ever ever ever felt more religiously connected to anything (sorry Israel). Overall- the stories were lovely, the sculptures incredible, and everyone's strong belief in Karma and general goodwill was practically tangible. At one Buddhist temple, I bought incense, a lotus flower (Radiohead, it was partly dedicated to your new album), and set an entire cage of birds free (yes, Jasmine from Agrabah style). Totally beautiful.

Lotus Flowers and Incense

Also, interestingly, there were monks roaming around everywhere, smoking, on motorcycles... and I learned from my tour guide that any man can be a monk for as long as he likes.

It's very Madonna-esque... "oh what did you do last week?" "not much, became a monk, watched the superbowl.. no big"-- but you're allowed to return to normalcy whenever you please-- with no guilt involved.

Me and the Monks

System of Government:
Constitutional Monarchy. Basically-- there's a Prime Minister that I didn't hear two squeaks about. The current king is staying in Beijing, China because he's really old and there's good medical treatment there, and the son-in-line to the throne is totally bald, and living in either the Czech Republic or Morocco. The people love him because, "he's not involved in politics" (weird, right?) He's also rumored to be gay.

Ceremony Swearing in the new "King" of Cambodia *the gay one*

HISTORY: Cambodia used to be a colony of French Indochina until it got sovereignty in 1953. This seems unimportant, but you can see little pieces of France in Cambodia's culture. The Royal Palace's outside is purely Khmer architecture, but the inside looks JUST like Notre Dame... its paintings replacing France's history for Cambodia's. Also, the people often eat red curry on, what else? Baguettes. Too cute.

Not your typical Asian Fare

Cambodia's history is also tainted with the stories of the KHMER ROUGE. After a civil war, in about 1975, the communist party known as the Khmer Rouge came to power. Its leader Pol Pot (short for Political Potential) attempted to turn Cambodia into a classless society by depopulating cities and forcing the urban population to become farmers in labor camps. The purpose of this policy was to turn Cambodians into "Old People" through agricultural labor resulting in massive deaths through executions, work exhaustion, illness, and starvation. In Phnom Penh and other cities, the Khmer Rouge told residents that they would be moved only about "two or three kilometers" outside the city and would return in "two or three days."

Khmer Rouge taking prisoners away

Some witnesses say they were told that the evacuation was because of the "threat of American bombing" and that they did not have to lock their houses since the Khmer Rouge would "take care of everything" until they returned. Money was abolished, books were burned, teachers, merchants, and almost the entire intellectual elite of the country were murdered. The planned relocation to the countryside resulted in the complete halt of almost all economic activity: even schools and hospitals were closed, as well as banks, and industrial and service companies. During their four years in power, the Khmer Rouge overworked and starved the population, at the same time executing selected groups who had the potential to undermine the new state (including intellectuals or even those that had stereotypical signs of learning, such as glasses) and killing many others for even breaching minor rules. Apparently, picking wild berries to stay alive was stealing from the "private enterprise" of the state, and punished by death. Finally, he would send the people to prisons and torture them into making false admissions, and then they would be sent to the killing fields (see below).

The whole country of Cambodia seemed to be somewhat haunted by this regime. Everyone I talked to had lost at least 2 family members, and had been affected in some way. One of my tour guides had crawled by night on the ground into Thailand for around 2 years, and the other had been raised in a UNICEF refugee camp. Their willingness to talk to me was incredibly moving-- I'd say if you find yourself in Cambodia-- don't be shy. The subject may be hard, but it is an incredible story worth hearing.

FOOD:

Deep Fried Bananas

Sticky rice and sweet beans in bamboo shoots

Khmer Food is like Thai food but less spicy therefore less delicious. They eat an average of 2 ounces of fish per day from this HUGE lake in the middle of the country (Tonle Sap lake) and tons of rice. Basically... curry. curry. curry. I spent more time enjoying every possible fruit that commonly gets paired with rum, but didn't allow myself the rum (one cannot effectively eat, pray, love while intoxicated): Mangoes, Pineapples, Coconuts, Dragon fruit, Lychee, etc.

My breakfast every morning

Cambodia is also known for its "Happy Pizza" joints, where instead of oregano on their pizza, they substitute Cannabis. Something tells me these places would be beyond successful in the States (besides my personal habits of course.. gross mom... i know... who'd ever DO that kind of stuff?!).

THINGS TO SEE AND DO

MARKETS

Some naked kid... straight chillin'

Cambodia's markets are filled with a lot of the same junk. T-shirts, jewelry, figurines of Buddha, Brahma, Vishnu, Shiva, etc. The key to these markets is to always be polite and simultaneously plug your nose. During the day, the tented outdoor markets had open stands of meat with flies buzzing everywhere right next to pedicurists (sounds almost as good as it smells).

New Standards of cleanliness for meat

The shopping isn't great unless you need yet another sarong... but it's cheap. I went to a total of 6 different markets (hey... good friends need good presents). Levi's, CK, Ralph Lauren and many other brands are in Phnom Pehn, however a lot of the clothes sold here are deemed unfit to be shipped abroad due to very small fault in the clothing which a majority of people wouldn't even notice, therefore they are sold at the "Russian market" which held items for the Russians during the Cold War. This one also smells.

tons and tons of shoes. next to the meat. yum.

My advice: if you want to shop... go to Thailand. There are better things to do in Cambodia.

TEMPLES (Siem Reap)
Angkor Wat

Oldest, most famous, best preserved, UNESCO World Heritage Site, world's largest religious site
It's almost unbelieveable that Angkor Wat wasn't just built, it looks flawless (it's from the early 12th century).
The king that built it was totally OCD and made it super-well by laying perfect bricks straight on top of each other. Every other temple is around 1/2 crumbled, but Angkor Wat is totally complete and standing.

Angkor Wat from the inside

Ta Prom
Covered in trees, very natural

These trees are everywhere

This is the area where most of Tomb Raider (that movie with Angelina Jolie in the short black shorts) was filmed. The most amazing thing is the huge trees growing on top of the temples. If the trees are removed, the temple will crumble, but the trees couldn't grow so high without the structure, begging the question of importance... nature or man-made structures?

Prea Khan
Only surviving 2 level structure (modeled after Greek columns)

Boring. Don't bother. I almost got Malaria here. Apparently the structure with the columns held a sacred sword. Disney-Pixar hasn't made a movie about it yet-- therefore I was left semi-uninterested.

Angkor Thom (means Great City)
Looks like Legends of the Hidden Temple. No more needs to be said.
I have always loved all things Thom. Thom Yorke (Radiohead's lead singer), Tom Yum Goong (spicy Thai soup), Tom and Jerry, my sister Athena's boyfriend, TOMS (the shoes that donate to charity), my ex's best friend (who has probably the best sense of humor on the planet), Tom Riddle, the list goes on and on. Angkor Thom was totally no exception. It is known for its 4 faced smiling Buddhas, looking in every direction and representing the 4 alms of Buddhism (charity, meditation, virtue, patience).

mmmmm... kebabs

Angkor Thom is also known for a really long wall that shows a history of the daily life of the Cambodian people. Anthropologists have used it for years to understand the history of Cambodian culture; there were even carvings of people buying Kebabs. Nothing has changed.

Angkor Thom

Also...it looks like Nickolodeon's Legends of the Hidden Temple. What's not to love?

Beng Mealea (means Lotus Pond)
Natural and historic playground

This temple was built as practice for Angkor Wat, so it's a little crumbly but almost deserted so my tour guide and I hopped around from fallen stone to fallen stone, and climbed on top of broken temples. It's a lot like Ta Prom in the sense that it has trees growing everywhere. It was probably the most fun, but it's 1.5 hours outside of the city.

Baryat Srei
Intricate, delicate, gorgeous carvings. Known as the "Lady's Temple"

This temple is quite small (also used during Tomb Raider filming) but has the deepest and most incredible carvings i've ever seen. It is an adorable little rust colored temple that looked like it had been built within the last 20 years, although it the oldest one of them all (10th century I think).

Check out the intricate carvings

MUSEMS (Phnom Penh)

National Museum of Cambodia

Largest building of old Khmer art (don't bother... all of the stuff is at the temples anyway and you have to tip an extra unecessary tour-guide).

Royal Palace/ Silver Pagoda

Royal Residence. not. bad.

The Royal Palace was one of the buildings that was Cambodian on the outside, and totally French on the inside. They also have the Silver Pagoda, which is the national temple, housing over 5,000 heavy silver tiles in the floor, and a life-sized gold Maitreya Buddha decorated with 9584 diamonds, the largest of which weighs 25 carats.

Me and the Traditional Female Costumes

Killing Fields at Choeng Ek/ Tuol Sleng Prison

The most eerie part of Cambodia is the lurking feeling of the Khmer Rouge and their wrath on the people, it finds its way into almost every story, and it has affected every single person in the country. It is unavoidable. Therefore, if you are visiting Cambodia, it is imperative above all else that you visit the following sites. "oh, it's so sad... it makes me cry. I don't want to cry on my vacation" is probably the worst excuse I've ever heard. My family was victimized by the Holocaust, and barely 35 years later, another genocide happened in Cambodia (and even now, about 35 years after the one in Cambodia, there is one happening in Darfur). It's sick. It's ridiculous. In order to correct our mistakes, it is important to learn history, and people obviously seem apprehensive to do so... so in between stories about dating, food, animals, and bowel movements, I WILL be giving you a history lesson.

During the time of the Khmer Rouge (see above) Pol Pot wanted to create a society based around agriculture and communism, sending city dwellers to forced labor camps/collective farms. The intellectuals of the era posed a "threat" to the men in political power, so they shipped them off to prisons and executed them in the "killing fields". Out of a total population of 8 million, at least 1.4 million were killed. They are commemorated at the following museums..

Huge stupa filled with skulls of the victims at the Killing Fields

Skulls of the deceased at the Killing Fields

"MAGIC TREE- The tree was used as a tool to hang a loudspeaker which make sound louder to avoid the moan of victims while they were being executed"

This sign lists the rules for prisoners while being interrogated. Basically it says "agree with me, even if it's false or i'll torture you"

Former school was converted into a prison.
These pots were filled with human feces, and when interrogating prisoners that had passed out from exhaustion, the Khmer Rouge would hang victims upside down, and dip them face-first in the pots to wake them up.

Individual shots of some female prisoners

Individual Prison cell, males would also chained to the ground

GENERAL THOUGHTS

Poverty

The biggest problem in Cambodia isn't necessarily a quick-fix. Poverty affects the entire population, many of which obtain a salary of around $2000 USD per year. $7 for a full-days work is serious money in the bank for many Cambodians. It's barely minimum wage for us. I've also never met so many kids that were begging for money to "pay for school". This is the hardest part of being in Cambodia-- just walking on the street, you encounter kids asking for food every 1/2 block but although they can be found everywhere selling books and bracelets, there are many aid organizations to keep these children off the streets, they instead choose to make their living street-wise. This is the only thing that kept me from emptying my wallet while three girls took turns sitting in my lap, playing with my hair. I avoided my rice for the week in order to 1. be on Atkins and 2. have something to give to these kids. My favorite occasion was when a 5 year old boy was told by an English woman to "go home", and he shouted back that she should do the same. We proceeded to run around the streets of Cambodia shouting simultaneously at everyone we saw "GO HOME!" and giggling. Even the markets with grown individuals are packed with people shouting "LADY. you need bracelet?" "LADY. t-shirt?!" "LADY. opium pipe?" The problem is that the stores all sell the same thing.
My advice: diversify.
There is also a booming sex industry. I know that I made a joke of the ladyboys in Thailand, but Cambodia was much more of an escort city. When people-watching at the night markets, I noticed every western man had a cambodian "girlfriend"-- hanging on their arm. You catch my drift. Totally impoverished, way more sketchy.

Safety

I was in Cambodia during outbreaks of violence over temples near the Cambodia-Thai border-- which didn't directly affect me, but I ensured I stayed touristy places. Also-- Cambodia is known to be a city ridden with landmines, another reason I didn't stray from the tourist areas... or main roads for that matter. Overall, It's still an incredibly impoverished country with people willing to do anything to provide for their families. I didn't feel necessarily safe in Cambodia, avoiding dark streets (where all the food is at night!) foregoing alcohol and happy pizza, not going to nightclubs... I can't explain it, but Cambodia just didn't feel like the place for me to go wild. And believe me... I can go wild.

Traveling Alone
Because of the previous statements about safety, I'd suggest going to Cambodia with friends. Obviously, I attempted this and failed, but I would advise thinking carefully about a backup plan if you find yourself alone in the country. It is siginifigantly different than being alone in Thailand or Shanghai or Hong Kong. That being said, the people are individually extremely nice. . Also-- if you have a blonde wig or long/false eyelashes... rock them.

I was asked out on dates by: both of my tour guides, my hotel manager, the pool boy, a Nigerian personal trainer/soccer player (who ended up finding me on his motorcycle after stalking the city for 2.5 hours), a hotel developer from Dubai, a Moroccan businessman, a bartender, an NGO director, the man who poured my coffee every day, the man who made eggs, and three airport security policemen. Not to mention every 3rd taxi or tuk-tuk driver would say "you need taxi?" no thanks. "you need boyfriend?" WHY OH WHY DO I NOT HAVE THIS KIND OF TRACK RECORD IN THE USA?

Traditional Apsara Dancers

I finally broke all of the Travel Indochina rules, and saw a show/went to Karaoke with my friend/tour-guide Phath and his friends (the only English song was Hit Me Baby, One More Time, which they ensured I sang). The girls didn't speak a word of English, but at the end of the night, they were going through my makeup bag, and twisting up my lipsticks to test them, and teaching me how dance like a real Cambodian Khmer girl by twisting my wrists around. Overall, Cambodia. Win.

Since I can't find them in Khmer, and you wouldn't be able to tell the difference anyway.. i'll just to translations
k’nyom men yoo-ul tee- I don't understand
k’nyom jang baan…bpoa leeh or norkor-bahl- I want a policeman

Eating Fruits that Taste Like Fart

2011-04-11T16:13:00.002+08:00

People love eating things that stink. Bleu Cheese, Gorgonzola, onions, sardines, caviar, lutefisk, garlic... not exactly things I'd have suggested on my previous dating blog post. I have been waiting, though to eat the stinkiest fruit of all time- the "King of the Fruits"- a Durian. I first heard about Durian on the streets of Chinatown with one of my best friends, Jess Sze. A China native (province of Fujian) Jess and I had the following exchange:

Me: Jess, What's that pokey thing?

Jess: Ew, that's Durian, it's sooooo grosss... it tastes like butt.

Me: JESS WE HAVE TO TRY IT.

Durian candy!!!! I bought it for you Jess! Please eat it!

I have (to no avail) been trying to get her to eat it with me for over a year. I finally bit the bullet-- or the Durian I guess.

First-- a history of Durian "King of the Fruits".

According to wikipedia, the smell has been described as similar to "almonds, rotten onions, turpentine, and gym socks". Anthony Bourdain himself admitted "your breath will smell as if you'd been French-kissing your dead grandmother". In terms of its nutrition, and relevance to Lizzie Ranish, Durian fruit contains a high amount of sugar, vitamin C, potassium, and tryptophan (the thing in turkey that makes you sleepy), it is also a considered by raw food advocates to be a good source of raw fats (goodbye almonds-- hellooooo durian!) While some people find it "fragrant" many find it offensive, leading it to be banned from many hotels and other public places.

Spotted in Thailand:
"Attention: Passengers who would like to take Durian into the aircraft, please contact airline staffs at check-in counter."

Spotted in a Chinese taxicab

In Singapore-- obviously a no-no.

This fragrant fruit can be smelled from a mile away, and commonly attracts squirrels, mouse deer,pigs, orangutan, elephants, carnivorous tigers, and Arielles. I had to know what it tasted like. Curiosity almost killed the college student.

I went onto the street to buy my lethal weapon, and was told that I had to pay 80 RMB (chinese dollars, roughly $10 USD). Let me just put into perspective that I could buy lunch for a month with this kind of money. I was also told that I wasn't allowed to buy just a piece of Durian, I had to buy the whole pokey thing the size of a soccer-ball.

Buying Durian

I waltzed back to the student center ready to munch on this disgusting fruit, answering multiple "why would you do that to yourself" inquiries with my praises of MTV's Jackass series and their honorable bravery in the face of danger (sorry dad). Enough waiting. It's time to EAT.

My attempts to enjoy the "King of the Fruits"

Gian's attempts to eat what tastes like "Cilantro and Sweat"

The weirdest part of the entire experience was doing my research. Apparently the Japanese believe durians are an aphrodisiac and Indonesians have a phrase "durian jatuh sarung naik" meaning "the durians fall and the sarongs come up". Maybe I should rethink my dating strategy.

榴莲- liulian- Durian

臭- chou- Stinky

放屁- fangpi- fart

春药- chunyao- aphrodesiac

As an imperative conclusion, I want to send me sincerest apologies to Jess, Colleen, and Lizzie for doing this without you... or "you're welcome" because you don't actually have to do it anymore just to humor me. Also an apology to my mother and academic advisors for my foul language-- before you reprimand me-- try it yourself, and attempt NOT to speak like a sailor.

Getting High in the Gobi Desert

2011-04-05T14:54:00.000+08:00

Yes—I said it. I got extremely high in the Gobi Desert—like beyond high. So high that I couldn’t even tell what was going on around me—people were flying, buildings looked like ants, I made friends with a camel, and danced the bunny hop (I didn’t realize this went past 1950) with nomads—and NO, Mr. NYU advisor reading this—I did NOT take any hallucinogenic drugs, I was climbing sand dunes!

Like all good stories, mine started with diarrhea. On an NYU sponsored trip to Gansu Province (see previous post about visiting Buddhist temples and getting stuck in a brothel) my body decided it hated me. We had just come back from an entire day of visiting Buddhist temples, drinking Yak Milk Tea and riding horses with a local Tibetan family, singing Karaoke in a tent, and getting stuck on a bus in freezing weather for an hour—life was good.

Riding Horses

Cavin, myself, and Brian drinking Yak Milk Tea

I woke and hobbled down to breakfast—queasy stomach, but normal for anyone that has ever stepped foot in the country of China. You must realize that diarrhea is an almost mandatory way of life here. In the lovely words of NYU Shanghai’s Director of Academic Affairs, “oh, I just get that shit out and keep going on with my day like nothing happened”. So I tried… I skipped breakfast (Spam and eggs, I kid you not), and waited until my stomach would settle. It wasn’t until we stopped at this public toilet that I realized I might have an issue.

Pretty Classy Stuff

This “toilet” was a hole leading to a valley 50 yards down, its smell was beyond putrid, and to make it worse, I had to practice my yoga moves spreading my legs as far as possible to avoid the vomit on all parts of the floor. We arrived at the train station and my body flushed itself of any liquid I had ever looked at; I proceeded to need a restroom every 7 minutes, which was unfortunate considering the 15 hour train ride we were about to take. Let’s just say I spent 10 of those hours on a moving-train’s squatty-potty (see previous post about how to use)… my legs were definitely feeling the burn.

10 hours on this thing would put Jane Fonda's legs to shame.

In the morning, after 10 hours of dysentery, I looked outside and immediately forgot all of my body’s issues. The only thing we could see out the train windows was vast clay-colored earth and sand; we were in the desert, and it was beautiful. We all took pictures of the landscape and got on the bus, then it caught on fire, we almost died, and 10 minutes later we got a new bus... no big deal.

Bus On Fire

After 30 minutes on the new bus, we arrived at one of the best destinations of my life—the beginning of a 2 Kilometer camel ride through the Gobi Desert. After my dysentery, I was a little nervous, so I picked the most forgiving looking Camel just in case I had an accident mid-ride.

Christopher Walkin' and I

I named him Christopher Walkin’. Riding a camel is a lot like riding a horse, except you shout more often about how funny they look, and grab their hump every so-often to make sure it’s still there. The most fun by far is getting up and down; because they’re so tall (averaging 8 feet). Apparently they also laugh (see video below).

After 2 Kilometers of feeling like The Prince of Persia, we arrived at our campsite and the entire NYU group immediately dropped everything and started climbing up to the highest sand dune in sight—which is no easy task for a non-athletic girl like yours truly. We huffed and puffed, and complained about our lack of gym membership use until we got to the top, and I became speechless. Everywhere we could see were slopes upon slopes of sand—no footprints, no car-tire tracks, no people, no animals, and no Starbucks.

I felt tiny, I felt insanely human, I felt like I could be lost within a minute and never found… therefore I felt like Ari Gold in Entourage Season 5.

As the sun set we ate Ramen noodles, meat sticks, and melon; threw rocks into a cup (there’s not much else to do here); and listened to my friends Julie and Austin sing, kazoo, and banjo around a huge bonfire.

Julie and Austin

We all went to bed early to avoid the creepy local people attempting to drink beer with us—and resumed our morning at 4am to witness the sun rise.

I took this picture! HOORAH for meeeee!

We finished our Gobi Desert trip with a walk… I was nervous we would get lost and end up alone, but 10 minutes later my ideas of “being the only people for miles and miles” were shattered. Being Americans, it only took us those 10 minutes to stumble upon a tourist trap. “ATV! ATV! SLEDDING! HANG GLIDING” options were being shouted at us from every angle, so naturally I emptied my wallet and did it. The first most breathtaking thing to see is the Oasis—NO, not this Oasis… a real Oasis. Oases are formed from underground rivers or aquifers where water can reach the surface naturally by pressure, they usually have some vegetation surrounding them, and tons of souvenir shops.

See the oasis on the right?

Up close view of the vegetation by the oasis

Finishing our tour, three friends and I got into a Jeep, and proceeded to scream while driving all over the sand dunes (video and apology to my mother here). We then went sledding, and got my hair/shorts completely full of sand.

I slid (sledded?) down this

In That.

For anyone considering going to China—this is by far the most incredible visual experience I’ve ever had. I know the Gobi Desert is no Four Seasons, and there is no Nobu Sushi waiting to be delivered to you… but when people ask me to tell them about China, it is one of the first things I start to talk about. With that, I leave you with imperative vocabulary.

戈壁沙漠- Gebi Shamo- Gobi Desert

肉棒- Rou Bang- Meat Stick

痢- Li- Dysentary

How to Date in China Like a Pro

2011-03-25T18:01:00.001+08:00

To address my seemingly promising title-- the answer is don't follow my example. I have absolutely no idea where to go, what to do, how to meet boys...any of those details. This is a blog filled with my awkward attempts at being flirtatious.

So I’m single. Not like you didn’t already know… but just to get everyone up to speed… single. Like, absolutely, 100% terminally single. I’m also in a city with a huge population of foreign businessmen with deep pockets... so it should provide a pretty glamorous lifestyle, right? Meh…. Ok maybe not.

Where are you?! I know you exist...

So far I’ve dated an American Financial Analyst/Investment Banker, a German student, a Dutch food & beverage manager in a hotel, and a (straight?) Brazilian who dances in all the major clubs and bartends the gay ones. I needed a new scene.

As a “topic for research” I decided to get a little personal to answer the following questions: How do people date in this city? Where are all these lovely men? What about Chinese dudes? What’s going on here?

I did some “field work” and hit the spectrum with 4 different approaches, listed below in order of personal comfort:

1: Dating someone in an NYU program

Red lights, sirens, warning: unless you love defecating where you eat, this is such a horrible idea. No matter where you go, you can’t escape, and everybody knows your business. None more needs to be said, those of you who found your soul mate on study abroad, cool, I hope being the minority is working out for you. Study Abroad:1 ; Arielle:0

2: Dating Someone You met at a Bar

Met this guy once... he said he wanted a "dance partner"... called every day for 2 weeks. Yikes. Turns out he dresses up like a woman Monday - Saturday to go dancing.

There are very few places to innocently meet people in Shanghai. One of them is at a charitable function, another is at work, maybe in a coffee shop… maybe… but for the most part, in this town- you either get lonely or you get sketchy. You know where I’m going with this. In the interests of my mother I have not gone down this path *cough, cough*—but if I hypothetically gave my number to some hypothetical guy I met in a hypothetical Shanghai bar--- he probably will never call; and even if he does, there are certain hypothetical expectations… and who’s going to buy a hypothetical popsicle when you’re handing out the hypothetical ice cream truck for free? Arielle:1; Hypothetical Men at Bar:0

3: Dating a Chinese Boy

Someday, Arielle... Someday.

“Do you want a Chinese boyfriend?” is a pretty common question on the street but when I’ve actually gone for it, they usually blush and run away, and I chase a little bit and fail. Unfortunately I have no other information, as I have been thus far unsuccessful in this category. Arielle:0; Chinese Men:-0

The section of this site is under construction and awaiting a xinggan nanpengyou to jiao wo yidianer zhongwen.

4: Signing up for a Chinese Dating Website

NO SHAME I TOTALLY DID THIS (ok, totally embarrassed, but whatever). Out of social boredom and a spike in curiosity, I joined Smart Shanghai’s dating website. I know what you’re thinking, “are you that desperate?” no… but come on… I had to know where these cute couples roaming the city came from.

I decided it would be one week experience in order to get a full experience—but I have been scarred for like 4.

The tagline I created was Contact me if: you know where to get good chocolate chip cookies in this city! Playful, innocent, I wasn’t exactly serious about the situation, so where could I go wrong? I severely underestimated the amount of weirdos on the internet.

“I like chocolate chip cookies too, come over to my apartment so I can bake some for you” was the most clichéd phrase I saw for 3 days straight-- literally 29 messages in 3 days. The men on this site were nothing short of desperate for female attention (hence the ratio of 12,000 men:2,000 women using the site) and I was sort-of trying to avoid getting murdered.

These are the crazy kinds of people we're dealing with here.

I started responding to some blonde guy that taught English, and found that we both enjoyed hip hop, Toni Morrison, and similar movies. It was time. Time for what?!

It was time to meet this online person to complete my “research” project *sorry mom*. In order to be safe-- I had certain criteria that needed to be met—it had to be public, it had to have a time limit, and I needed to have an escape plan. All of the critieria filled out, and I had a new sweater—how bad could it be? Warning: if you hate awkward situations, don’t read any further, it’s actually painful to even write it.

This guy and I met at Tara 57, a cocktail bar, I surprisingly found out upon entering is wholly encased in black & red velvet décor. The minute I walked out of the cab, I heard a mousey voice similar to Stuart from Mad TV emit a “well, isn’t this serendipitoussssssss”?

Fuck. I couldn’t run now.

This is Tara 57

He was short and wearing a Bill Cosby sweater. The only guy that can do that is Bill Cosby (and occasionally my dad). I proceeded to climb the velvet steps mouthing to myself “why, Arielle… why?”.

Bill Cosby and I rocking Bill Cosby Sweaters

As I ordered my lemongrass, my date chuckled about “girly drinks” with his nose in the air and almost shouted “I’ve got this round”—this round… there’s going to be more than one?! From there the conversation started; for two hours, I had to hear this guy prove his superior knowledge of: hip hop music, teaching, Chinese, restaurants, cultural backgrounds, future professions, law, government, alcoholic beverages, philosophies on life and work ethic.. etc. I even got to hear about his last girlfriends. Oh joy. He finished up his two-hour brag-fest with a "wow, we really have such great chemistry" and an invitation to an extremely pricey restaurant on Tuesday, explaining that he " made reservations for two in case I [he] met someone"-- I needed to bolt. It was time.

This girl knows exactly how I felt

I ran out into the street ready to never ever see this person ever again, and opened my cab door--- SALVATION AT LAST! until I heard a mousey "excuse me, excuse me" and the unfamiliar feeling of Cosby sweater wool against my arm. He was getting into my cab. WHY was he getting into my cab?! "You're on my way home-- let's share" he says. Most of my friends would put me into that "too nice for her own good category"-- and this is a prime example. I counted down the minutes until I was home, and practically jumped out of the cab. Upon our goodbye, I probably said "ok. ok. bye!" like 6 times, and then he leaned in for a kiss. THIS GUY IS A DEMENTOR! NO!

I thrusted my cheek at him, unsure of what else to do, and within seconds while muttering "you're not going to do THAT are you?" he bobbled his head around and face planted me. My facial expression mid-surprise kiss was literally like this...

I immediately deleted my Smart Shanghai dating account and have not even though about doing something similar since.

I received multiple text messages with last-minute invitations to shows and whatnot, and on Monday, I followed up with a "sorry, it's not going to work out". That's polite, right? This individual follows up with an email saying "you Tiger Upper-Cutted me, didn't see that one coming from the way we were getting along... awesome chemistry...." blah blah, do you know what a Tiger Upper-Cut is? Neither did I.. so I googled it, here is what I found...

Apparently it's when you punch someone in the chin, and they go flying.

SWEET. I went to China, learned Chinese, and I guess I learned Kung Fu as well.

Arielle: -50; Life Lesson: 1000

Moral of my story: don't take my advice-- and be happy being single. Single is much cheaper and less awkward than all the other options compiled and rolled into a Family Mart Burrito.

相亲-xiangqin- Blind date
尴尬约会- ganga yuehui- Awkward Date

比尔考斯比毛衣- Bierkaosibi Maoyi- Cosby Sweater

虎上个切成- hu shang ge qie cheng- Tiger Upper-Cut

A CHINESE Chinese New Year

2011-03-14T13:58:00.002+08:00

Apparently Chinese New Year is crazy--- The dancing dragons! The fireworks! The red lanterns everywhere! People running amok like the Macy's Day Parade for 2 weeks on end!

THE LIES.

I couldn't have been more wrong about Chinese New Year-- really... for two weeks I was beyond bored. I only ate oatmeal (none of the street vendors were there!) and ended up watching 7 seasons of Entourage, 3 seasons of True Blood and started to get into Mad Men. I don't even like television. So why was I so bored? Where were all of the celebrations?

Everyone was at home!

Chinese New Year (or in Chinese 春节- literally 'Spring Festival') is a family holiday. It spans 15 days, and it's the time of the largest migration of people in China -- apparently it’s madness trying to get a train ticket. Families will often travel from house to house giving their 拜年 (bainian- New Year’s wishes) in which they say “恭喜发财!” (gongxifacai- I hope you become rich!). In my opinion—that totally trumps “Happy New Year”. At each house they do one thing… the thing I do best… and no, that’s not blogging. Or dancing. THEY EAT AND SET OFF FIREWORKS. Typically, the first night you eat dumplings (饺子- jiaozi) which symbolize family reunion, and the last night a sweet, dumpling soup called Tangyuan is eaten (汤圆). Like the dumplings-- the round shape of the balls symbolizes family togetherness.

Jiaozi--Dumplings

Tangyuan- Sweet Dumpling Soup

I arrived in Shanghai at 10:00 PM on Chinese New Year’s eve (除夕) and immediately after my flight landed I thought I had been caught in an air-raid. Fireworks were going off everywhere and dangerously close to buildings. I guess there aren’t huge regulations for buying them, and upon asking a friend, I heard that it has become a symbol of status and wealth to have the most impressive fireworks display.

Here is a video of the fireworks。 I honestly thought I might lose a limb.

I woke up the next day ready for a parade—where was everyone? It was dead. Thank god my good friend Patty invited me to her uncle's house for dinner! I got dressed and headed over-- it's a Chinese saying that if you bring someone to visit from far away, they become somewhat like a present-- I guess I was the present for the night. We ate constantly from 5:00 PM until around 10:00 PM and then headed to karaoke (卡拉OK). Below are pictures and descriptions of all the foods we ate. Here is our mishap attempting to drink Dutch beer (啤酒) all over at Chinese New Year dinner.

New Year's Dinner. From Left: Salty Duck Stomach, Fried Fish, Hot Pot, Meatballs, Vegetables, Fatty meat, 1000 year old eggs

Stir-Fried Shrimp

"1000 Year old eggs" are made by preserving duck, chicken, or quail eggs in a mixture of clay, ash, salt, lime, and rice hulls for several weeks/months.

Chinese New Year Dinner Night 2

Bamboo Shoots (i'm obsessed with these!)

Frog and Green Peppers

Peel-and-Eat Shrimp

3 different kinds of meat

At Patty's other uncle's house, I spent the entire time playing with a 5 year old Chinese baby. Madeline Longhurst, Angelina Jolie, Lizzie, Colleen, Ashley, Lauren, Julie Farrell, Athena, all you other baby lovers... BE JEALOUS. His nickname was 元元 (yuanyuan)-- which means "money money". HOW GHETTO. He was beyond cute.

The rest of Chinese New Year I really did absolutely nothing-- so I decided it would be better for some friends to educate you on how THEY celebrate Chinese New Year. Below are 3 videos-- the first one is of Julie (a foreigner in China 老外--laowai), Haohao (from a province in the North) and Patty (a native Shanghainese). In this video they talk about their traditions and favorite foods.

The second video is of Shi Laoshi, NYU in Shanghai's program director. He talks about the difference in the way Chinese New Year is viewed and celebrated today, as well as what he enjoys doing during the season.

The third video is of a Chinese-American student, and how they celebrate Chinese new year over in the USA. In this video, he talks about 红包（Hong Bao）which literally means "red bag". These little red envelopes are gifts containing money. I received one in New Jersey once from one of my best friend Jess's parents-- I carry it around everywhere with me in my purse.

They look like this

So, I hope you learned something. I hope I enticed your appetite, and I hope you get a lot of money 恭喜发财!

春节- Chun Jie- Chinese New Year

看电影- Kan Dianying- Watch movies

随行人员-Suixingrenyuan- Entourage

How I Ended up with Lady Gaga's Hair and a Gaged Nose Ring

2011-02-21T00:24:00.004+08:00

"You looked like someone shot you with a nail-gun in the face". Thanks Sean Cantinero, for your brutal honesty. As tempted as I was to throw my first punch ever at a human face, I had to admit... I did look absolutely ridiculous. I had been wandering around China with Lady Gaga's hair and a nose-ring that made me look like a bull. How did I end up looking like someone from the circus? The same way I ended up in a brothel, and the same way I got ripped off at the airport... my big mouth.

Bad Romance? No. Bad Haircut.

As you can probably tell by now, I speak some Chinese. I am not usually one to "toot my own horn" but that is one thing I am beyond proud of myself for. So, when I go out in public, and I know the word for something in Chinese... I use it. It does not matter that the Starbucks employee is trained to know what a "large coffee with steamed milk and sugar-free vanilla syrup" is in English, or that I can talk for thirty minutes about food (my broadest chunk of vocabulary words)... I say it all in Chinese.

This is where I equivocated my death.

So here I am, at a Benson Salon known for serving ex-patriots, getting my hair washed before it is cut and highlighted, and I hear the all too familiar "Po-Po-Po Poker face... Po-Po-Pokerfaaaaaace" and then "banananananananananananaaaaaaa JUST dance" and then "Ale-ale-jandroooo" in succession.

Me: 你们喜欢听美国的音乐吗? (Do you like American music?)
Hair Stylist: AH YES. I LOVE Lady Gaga!
Me: 我也喜欢他的音乐。(I also like her music)
Hair Stylist: I LOVE Lady Gaga's style!
Me: 我同意，又意思，又漂亮，最好看！ (I agree, always interesting, always pretty, the best to look at!)

I swear to god 5 minutes later, I had Lady Gaga's platinum blonde color, straight-across bangs above my eyebrows, and a men's razor shaving the back of my head.

Every time I went clubbing there were at least 4 outbursts of "GAGAAAAA!" and needless to say, this wasn't anyone's fault (cough...cough...) and I blame a communication error, I will never ever ever go back. EVER.

Nail-Gun to the Face

I have always wanted a nose-ring. Like a gypsy, or Ke$ha (and all you Missou girls), or Tupac Shakur, or Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean, and all of the people on this list. When I was 16, I created a presentation on the different cultures of the world that engaged in body-piercing and the beautiful cultural significance and richness it brought to their communities. Anyone who knows Archelle (my mother) knows that this wasn't even mildly amusing to her-- and if I wanted to go to college without student loans, my nose was to be left in one un-punctured piece.

So obviously, I go abroad and think i'm going to outsmart my mother and have a secret nose-ring for 4 beautiful months and then convince her she loves it too... right? I should have seen my own stupidity 9,802 miles away.

My mom would obviously be thrilled at my selection

I make an appointment with Shanghai Tattoo, a bilingual tattoo parlor that hires an ear, nose, and throat doctor to do all of their piercings when he's not doing surgery. They promised sterile needles, stainless steel jewelry, and cleaning equipment & instructions. What they didn't promise was that i'd look normal afterwards.

What up Miley Cyrus?

Anyone who knows me knows I used to have acne, and love popping pimples... so one of those cute little diamond studs would be too reminiscent of an awkward time in my life and too tempting to squeeze the stud right out of my nostril. I also didn't want to look like Miley Cyrus. I wanted to be EDGY and PIRATE-LIKE. I wanted a hoop; like this:

I told the ear, nose, and throat surgeon that I didn't want to look too young as he picked out little diamond studs and pink rhinestones to adorn my nose. I wanted people to think I meant business and kept-up with the boys. I was a roughing it, and I was ready to make my facial debut; except every cute hoop I picked out he deemed "unsuitable". Apparently, all the jewelry I liked for its cute fake tarnishing was actually tarnished and every piece I liked was cheap metal. It seemed the only available piece of jewelry was a 12 gauge septum ring. In case you don't know what it is, here is a picture. For the record: they put this on the side of my nose. Also... a normal nose-ring is 18 gauge, a normal earring is 14 gauge, this was 10 gauge (they get bigger as the numbers get smaller).

This is the piece of jewelry that spent a week inside my right nostril.

The doctor and the nearly bald tattooed Swedish girl working the counter both agreed that I'd look like a badass, and so naturally, I did it. I let this surgeon SLOWLY (it took over a minute) puncture my nose with a MASSIVE needle . He finished, and there was blood everywhere, his response- "Perfect. I think this is suitable for you". I was amazed. I smiled, and my nostrils moved and blood gushed onto the floor. This continued to happen every time I looked at myself, so I had to stay put for the next 45 minutes in order for the blood to clot. I finally went home admiring the new addition to my body. My Great Aunt had a metal hip, and now I had a metal hoop. It was awesome.

Everyone in China stared at me too; I felt like a supermodel. I saw my friends and smiled, pointing to my new ring, in order to not move my face... the minute I opened my mouth to speak there was blood all over my nose, cheeks, lips, and hands. I felt like a character on True Blood. I was in heaven, until my second day of work.

It looks like someone tried to go fishing and caught my face instead

I had gotten sick on that next Thursday, and puked up all sorts of Chinese food the night before my second day of work. In the morning, determined to prove my work ethic and make a good impression, I showered, blow-dried my hair, and put on my heels feeling queasy but otherwise alive. The whole day though, I still felt like I smelled faintly of vomit. I got home after work, threw off my heels and felt like I could finally, privately pick the huge booger I had felt in my nose all day. Four Q-tips later, I realized that I hadn't smelled like vomit, I had spent the day smelling vomit because huge chunks of it had been attached to my nose-ring.

IT WAS OUT BY THE FOLLOWING WEEKEND.

Moral of my story: listen to your mothers. All of you.

可怕的发型- KePa de Faxing- horrible haircut

夫人加加- Furen Jiajia- Lady Gaga (but most people just read it in English)

鼻环- bi huan- nosering

8,000+ Men in Under 3 Hours

2011-02-12T20:23:00.001+08:00

Technically you could call it speed-dating, emphasis on the speed. With no way of getting from an NYU sponsored trip in Gansu Province (the Gobi Desert) to a personal vacation in Hainan (the Hawaii of China), my friend Kassie and I were forced to schedule a 9 hour layover in one of the most famous places in the country—Xi’an. The capitol of Shaanxi Province, it is one of the oldest and most important cities in China best known for its Terra Cotta Warriors. Rather than spending an afternoon in an airport with no food but overpriced oranges, Kassie and I decided to race an hour outside the city to see the UNESCO World Heritage Site. Overall we would be saving tons of money because we both wanted to visit the site before leaving China anyways. Our only rule was that we had to be back at the airport for a 10:00 PM flight to Hainan. Seemed reasonable, right?

After 45 minutes of negotiations (I mean, remember what country we're in) we finally got a cab driver to take us to the site and agree to wait until we were finished to drive us back to the airport. We hopped in the car at 2:00 PM, ready to see the Terra Cotta Warriors. I was absolutely amazed by what we saw.

At the entrance to the Warriors

We arrived at the site at approximately 3:30 PM and were greeted by an enormous scholar, we were on our way! 45 RMB and 30 minutes of speed-walking later we arrived at the site.

Let me first give you some background on the Terra Cotta Warriors:

Warriors in Pit 1

The warriors are funerary statues of Qin Shi Huang (first emperor of china). When he was 13, he commanded factories that made tiles and other clay items to drop their business and start building a clay army to help him rule another empire in the afterlife. The warriors are situated at Mount Li; chosen for both its gold and jade excavations-- it not only had sacred building materials but also pre-dug pits to place the warriors in. There are an estimated 8,000+ soldiers, 130 chariots, and 670 horses, the majority of which are still buried.

Warriors up-close and personal

The amazing part of his army is that Qin Shi Huang ordered that “no two soldiers are to be alike”—and they are not. The statues vary in height (6 feet – 6’5) and there are generals, warriors, chariots, horses, officials, acrobats, strongmen and musicians. This attention to detail obviously required much more effort on the part of the builders, but archeologists concluded that it wasn’t as horrible as it sounds-- 8 face molds were used with clay additions and an intricate paint job (which has totally faded) afterwards added for individualized facial features.

What the warriors looked like with paint

Since "no two are alike" you can get a personalized Terra Cotta Warrior statue of yourself!

They are organized in 4 large pits in precise military formation, according to rank and duty.

· Pit 1- Main army and noblemen
· Pit 2- Military guard
· Pit 3- Command post (high ranking officers)
· Pit 4- Unfinished and empty

They were also equipped with weaponry but that was stolen shortly after their creation. Can you imagine? 8,000+ soldiers’ weaponry stolen? USA’s Homeland Security would have a FIT! The Emperor's burial tomb is also nearby but left unopened.

Weapons for the Terra Cotta Army's "use"

The warriors were discovered in spring 1974 by farmers trying to build a water-well. Red-tinted clay had been found earlier, but disregarded as nothing but poor farming soil. Pretty soon after the initial digging, excavation teams came and are still at work to uncover one of the most impressive sites in the world.

At the entrance there is a huge warrior standing next to a marionette. Built for the Beijing Olympic games the 7.2 meter warrior and 4.5 meter marionette are supposed to symbolize the respect of tradition in times of great achievements in science & technology. Personally, I thought it was a little creepy-- but to each his own!

Warrior & Marionette

The site sees hundreds of thousands of people per year, and only a few foreigners, like Queen Elizabeth II have been allowed inside the pits to view the army up-close. I feel genuinely privileged to have been able to see such a sight.

The excavation teams are still at work piecing statues together

My feelings of awe didn’t last long though—because the clock started to tick. It was nearing 4:30 PM and in order to check-in on time Kassie and still needed to walk to the other side of the site and drive an hour to the airport. We called our taxi-driver who told us we had plenty of time. Everything was perfect. This is the part where I really should have known that things were going too well and I should never have expected anything in China to run so smoothly.

30 minutes into our drive, we see traffic start to slow--- and then completely stop. There is literally nothing moving. Ok, not a big deal… I can handle this. 10 minutes go by… 15 minutes… 20 minutes… Kassie and I start to get uncomfortable. There is a semi pulled over completely blocking half of the road and drivers are walking around, smoking. Our driver gets out to join the party, and I freak. In Chinese, I ask him “对不起，现在怎么样？什么时候我们去飞机场？” Literally, “Excuse me, what’s going on right now? What time are we going to the airport?”… He laughed in my face and said that we weren’t going to be able to make it to the airport in time. I wanted to cry.

I called the Chinese airline that we were connecting through to see when the next connection was—there was no way that we could go on our vacation if we missed this flight; plus Kassie and I would both have to shell out an extra $500 for a vacation we never took. I looked at the driver and screamed in English “YOU TOLD US WE COULD GET THERE ON TIME, WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW?!?! YOU LIED TO US!!!!! I’M SO GLAD YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ENGLISH RIGHT NOW OTHERWISE I’D PROBABLY FEEL WORSE!!!!!” He realized we were in a bad situation and stopped laughing at me. Then the clouds opened up and traffic started moving.

We got to the airport with 4 hours to spare. The relief was almost too much to deal with—Kassie and I celebrated by publicly giving ourselves pedicures and I personally devoured two tubes of Oreo’s. My advice-- GO SEE THE WARRIORS. My other piece of advice? Don't trust traffic.

Me & my BF Terry (get it?! Terra Cotta... ok nevermind)

兵马俑- bingmayong (literally soldier and horse funerary statues)

快速约会- Kuaisuyuehui- speed dating

Crotchless Pants: All the Chinese Babies are Wearing Them

2011-01-25T06:51:00.000+08:00

It’s 11am, mid-December, and the sun is blazing. Kassie and I are walking from the local bakery, pastries in hand when suddenly she stops talking and subtly raises her eyebrows. I already know what’s coming… there’s totally someone taking a dump on the street. Sure enough, I look over and there is a grandmother holding her child by the waist while grunts and poop starts to appear on the sidewalk.

Yes, this is common. Yes, this is legal. Yes, the girl still has her pants on.

While China has been trying to modernize and put forth a manners campaign to lessen garbage dumping, public spitting, and public defecation, one tradition has stayed and doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, and that is Kai Dang Ku, or open crotch pants. They pants are worn by children from crawling age until around 3 (but I saw a 5 year old in them once!), and come in a variety of colors and patterns. Mary-Kate and Ashley—take note! Built with minimal coverage, they allow children to stop dead in their tracks and “go potty” whenever necessary—a luxury shared by Chinese children and college students alike. When I say they defecate everywhere, I mean everywhere; I have seen parents holding their children over trash cans, gutters, and potted trees on the sidewalk. My friend Jess said that at the World Expo, she saw a mother carrying a bucket around in her stroller for her child’s convenience.

Wait, why do the Chinese mothers use these split pants?

1. They make cleanup easier

2. They believe their children’s excretion is relatively clean

3. Diapers cause rashes

4. Diapers are expensive and wasteful

Although they are considered wasteful (200,000 trees per year are killed for America’s diaper needs), China has started to expand its diaper market. Diapers were originally seen among the high-class in cities, but with the growing rise of the middle class they are seen around the country on bottoms of all shapes and bank-account sizes. Since 1998 the diaper business has grown between 20% - 40% each year, and at this point in time, approximately 50% of Chinese babies wear diapers during the day and 90% are wearing them at night.

WHATUP MAN!?

So what are we seeing now?

Interestingly, the introduction and rapid adoption of diapers hasn’t diminished the prevalence of split pants. DO YOU HEAR THAT GUYS?! SPLIT PANTS ARE HERE TO STAY! Now, instead of all-or-nothing, parents are using split pants with diapers to make changing-time more convenient, or less cold I guess. It’s kind of cute actually.

Ok, so in every blog I give advice and apologize to my mother, this time they are one-in-the-same—

I think it’s about time we grown-ups tried these split pants out ourselves.

Who knows? The Snuggie became popular! Maybe we have something monumental on our hands. Anyone with me?

开裆裤- Kaidangku- open pants

Gym, Tan, Laundry: A Cultural Difference between China and The Jersey Shore

2010-12-29T05:29:00.001+08:00

vs.

YO YO YO! NI HAO NI HAO NI HAO! 你好你好你好。 It’s time for a cultural comparison. To begin--- I’m a little obsessed with guidos. Don’t pretend like you don’t know them: the large, tan, Italian gym-rats that infiltrate the state of New Jersey, and Manhattan on the weekends. Similarly, Hainan Island (around the size of Belgium) is a little bigger than the Jersey shore, and while having wildly unique attractions, doesn’t stray from the general feeling one gets on the loud, house-filled, fist-pumping Seaside exit of Highway 44. By looking at the most essential pieces of being a guido, I will teach you how Hainan Island in China greatly mirrors a television setting that we all know and love.

Gym

vs.

Instead of “hitting the gym for some reps” with weights my gym in China only allows for reps with one thing—the ping pong (乒乓) tables. With an estimated 300 million players, table tennis is the biggest amateur recreational sport in China today; and the players are AMAZING. Since 1971 the Chinese have won every World Championship (except for two), and at the 2008 Olympics, China won all medals possible.

Tan

vs.

The most bizarre part of my China-shore experience? Nobody wants to be tan. There is nobody on the beach, and there are more umbrellas popped when it is sunny than when it starts to rain.

You’re probably confused. I know I was. I’ll explain. White skin is looked upon as high-class because traditionally peasants worked outside in rice paddies, while aristocrats would stay inside not accumulating any rays whatsoever. Over time white skin became revered as a symbol of social status. Only the richest ladies had gleaming skin, and in order to get it artificially-- young Chinese girls would grind up seashell pearls and ingest them. Nowadays—they have gone to even more extreme lengths to glow like fluorescent lighting. First of all, when the sun is out, everyone goes inside, and the beaches are empty—the day we attempted to swim in the rain we were joined by groups of Chinese enthusiasts running from all corners of the beach. Furthermore, they rely on artificial products to whiten and bleach their skin.

Asians spend an estimated $18 billion dollars per year on skin whitening products, promising gleaming skin, and even go so far as to buy products for whiter nipples. Originally, many whitening products contained mercury (which is banned in most countries because too much mercury can lead to convulsions, coma, and death) but now the most common ingredient of these creams and pills is hydroquinine- which inhibits melanin production (but can also be used to develop film). Yikes. It has been banned by European Union, but considered “safe” by dermatologists in USA if it comes in concentrations of less than 2%. In large doses it has caused leukemia in mice and other animals and can also cause Ochronosis-- which puts black and blue pigment into the skin, but this seems to be the least of the Chinese worries. When looking for tanning oil, Kassie and I were shocked to find that every product would turn our skin to a brilliant eggshell color, and located whitening products on every shelf of the beauty isles. My suggestion: go to Hainan, you’ll have the whole beach to yourself if it’s nice weather.

Laundry

vs.

In order to save money on owning a washer and dryer, many Chinese people will do their own laundry by hand—leaving it to dry outside on a string. This turns the windows around cities into a decorative attraction, giving China an eclectic charm. No article of clothing is exempt as t-shirts, sassy bras, and granny panties alike are strung to be dried— leaving for exciting taxi-rides of “spot the ridiculous clothes”.

The Hot Tub

vs.

Like the Situation’s large hot-tub, the Chinese also enjoy their bubbling, therapeutic man-cauldrons. Hainan is known for having some of the best hot-springs in the country, and upon hearing about them, my two girlfriends, Kassie, Szu, and I all purchased a bottle of…ahem… juice and made our way to the famous hot springs. $30 USD later, we were greeted by over 36 different kinds of naturally occurring hot springs, each with their own specific additions and therapeutic uses. We swam in 70-90 degree Fahrenheit pools that were filled with various things such as…rose petals, lavender, bougainvillea, milk, coffee, lemon, jasmine tea, green tea, oolong tea, baijiu, beer, wine, and many more.

One of our favorites was a pool filled with minnow-sized “kissing fish” which nibble at your dead skin. Trying to keep a straight face while talking to a cute Englishman was near impossible in this pool; I was squirming the entire time and moving my legs like I actually knew how to do the jitterbug.

The Gorilla Juiceheads

vs.

When asked what she wanted to do, Nicole (Snooki)Polizzi replied in Episode 6, “I wanna go on a boat, an island… filled with gorillas.” In typical guidette fashion, we did the same. Kassie, Szu and I hopped on a cable-car and visited Monkey Island. Monkey Island, like the Jersey shore is filled with wild monkeys running around, and while they are cute and will come right up to you—it is dangerous to touch them because they could be carrying a variety of diseases. Just like guidos. We spent the afternoon watching them climb trees, sit by the monkey-pool, and perform in a monkey show that involved circus performance (riding unicycles, tightrope walking, and dancing). Holding their hands was by far the most bizarre part of the experience; their hands felt remarkably human until their tail would also begin to touch your wrist.

Surf & Turf

vs.

and

Because it is an island with monsoon weather, Hainan’s characteristic food items can be categorized into one description: things that make your Pina Colada taste good. We had by far the BEST mango I think I will ever eat, and beach drinks were simply cracked coconuts with a straw (take THAT vita-coco!).

Xiao V. The Lao Ban.

Instead of huge chili-dogs and fries, our traditional Hainan meal came with a striped-red rockfish, chicken-and-rice, and fish-belly soup. If you’re planning on going to Hainan and not eating a Mango or any fish, just don’t go at all. They are amazing.

The necklace

vs.

Unfortunately I have yet to meet my Chinese Pauly D, but when it comes to his jewelry I seem to have found my equivalent. Whereas Chinese people are not quite as gaudy as guidos—they are equally avid about sporting their neck jewelry. Instead of platinum chains, red strings adorn necks all around and replacing large bling-ed out crosses are jade amulets of Buddha, dragons, and phoenixes. The龙(long) dragon is used to represent successful men and the phoenix凤(feng), successful women.

Overall, after a trip to the Jersey Shore and Hainan Island in the same 4 months I came to one conclusion. Everyone is the same. They all jump around to Lady Gaga, they all charge ridiculous amounts for beach chairs, and they equally have delicious food whether it is covered in Cheese or oyster sauce. The only difference lies in how you experience it—but remember, you can always bring your BYOB (bring your own brunch), BYOM (bring your own music) and you should always BYOC (bring your own camera).

家音乐- Jia-yin-yue--- House music

圭多- Gui-duo *you can infer this one

意大利人- I-ta-li-ren- Italian person (yes, like you sebastian)

Thailand: Land of Smiles

2010-11-14T15:34:00.000+08:00

I write this to you while scratching my butt. Furiously… and I couldn’t be happier about it.

3 flights

1 backpack

5 Swedish people

1 train

3 skewers of chicken gizzard

2 busses

2 ferries

And 110 mosquito bites later… I can confidently say that I have finally seen Thailand.

Thailand is known as the “land of smiles” where anything goes. I mean it when I say anything goes. Tourism is a strong industry, and as a foreigner, if there is something you desire in Thailand, chances are someone is shouting after you to buy it on every street you turn. This goes for counterfeit bags, cliff jumping tours, and lady boys (male strippers with artificial enhancement to become women). I only participated in 2 of the 3 (and no, I didn’t get any counterfeit bags).

Bangkok

Chatuchak Weekend Market

When we first got to Bangkok, we headed straight to the weekend market, but had no idea what we would find. I was expecting to see fruit vendors and tacky clothes like everywhere else I go in China, but I could have shopped only here for the rest of my life. Chatuchak Weekend Market is a maze of stalls that sell vintage (or old-looking… I can’t tell if it’s actually used or not) clothes, shoes, leather bags, and other random knick-knacks. I found a baseball style 1989 The Cure concert t-shirt (that I would probably pay $100 for in NYC) and started complaining about how expensive it was ($350 baht) until I realized that in American dollars… it was only around $10. We had been there for 2 hours and I already loved Thailand. My biggest regret is not getting an earlier weekend flight to shop again at this awesome market.

Silom

Silom is known for its “Pat-Pong” shows, where women perform various tricks with their….ahem….lady parts. These include shooting a ping pong ball, blowing out a candle, and even peeling a banana (I know… WHAT?!) with their vag. Even though I am one of planet earth’s most curious people, I didn’t get around to seeing one of these performances because I heard that it is really easy to get scammed out of your money and potentially in a dangerous situation.

Being scammed itself was a huge disadvantage in Thailand; if there was ever a way to get cheated out of your money, a service person would take the opportunity. The cabs rarely use their meters, they just shout ridiculously high fares so tourists will blindly say yes, and then if you get into a cab, they’ll either drive you in circles to make the high toll seem fair or attempt to force you to visit their friends’ shops (where the prices are astronomical in comparison to their neighbors). A word to the wise: do not trust anyone. Make your own arrangements.

Khao San Road

At night we heard about a “backpacker’s street” and being backpackers, we decided to check it out. I was expecting quiet inexpensive fish restaurants and maybe some beer but when we emerged from the cab, we were surrounded by thumping bass and a mob of dancing people. It was the night before Halloween, so I bought a butterfly mask, my friend Kassie got a Minnie Mouse bow and Mikael bought blue devil horns. Every night of the week, you can find people running around drinking rum and coke out of individual buckets. Yes. I said it. BUCKETS, and that night, obviously we were no exception to this tradition. My suggestion: skip clubs, go here. When we tried to go clubbing at Bed Supperclub we were surrounded by prostitutes. Do you know what it is like to dance in a room full of professional prostitutes? I will tell you, it is not fun.

Grand Palace and Wat Phra Khew Temple

Gold Flecked Buddha

Since I was wearing a short skirt, I borrowed a long wrap from the office.

Gorgeous. Enough said. I don’t know too much about Buddhism (95% of the Thai population are Buddhists) but sitting in this temple was a more religious experience for me than visiting the Western Wall in Jerusalem. The Buddhists give out gold flecks that you can place on a Buddha and you can also pay for a flower to dip in holy water and smack yourself on the head with (way more graceful in person).

These are the Lotus flowers you can smack your head with

High Tea- Author’s Lounge, Mandarin Oriental Hotel

The Author's Lounge

High Tea

After we left the Temple, we decided (thank you Dori Stein for the suggestion) to go to High Tea at the one of the “nicest hotels in the world” (I guess every guest has their own personal butler). Who knew I could be so Pish posh pish posh!? We ordered both the Asian tea set and the traditional English tea set and spent literally 3 hours cutting tiny sandwiches and brownies and scones into 3’s so we could all try them. My review: definitely something to do, once.

Ladyboys/Bed Supperclub

Can you believe they're DUDES?!

Here’s the point where I talk about men who take estrogen pills and have way bigger breasts than I could ever dream to have. I’m talking about lady boys. After we went to an amazing dinner at a super nice restaurant, I turned red-curry-red and asked the maître d if he could help us find Nana Sex Entertainment Plaza. Upon our arrival, I placed my mask over my eyes and headed into to a mall-like structure made up entirely of lady boy strip bars. We chose one named Temptations because we heard the lady boys were less pushy, and when we got to the top floor, a huge girl in a black and white swimsuit and fangs greeted us by slapping Kassie’s ass twenty times and rushing us in. She then introduced herself: “m-AH nAH-mA AH-lay-AAAHHH”. I had no idea what was up but I introduced myself, “Hi! I’m Arielle!” and then she replied with a gut-wrenching “SAME SAME! SAME SAME! AH-lay-AHHH!”

Goddammit. The lady boy and I have the same name. Kassie and Mikael haven’t stopped calling me Ah-lay-AHH since then. We stayed for around 45 minutes and watched creepy old men sitting alone and lady boys dancing around in bikinis that were honestly more beautiful than I could ever aspire to be. I really don’t care how prude you are, if you go to Thailand, this is totally worth seeing.

Floating Market

The entire thing is on water. I think this is really pretty, I enjoyed seeing it but I wouldn’t go again. If you are crunched for time, pick something else.

Tiger Temple

Years ago, a wounded tiger wandered into a Buddhist temple, and they took care of it until it was beter. Since then, this Buddhist temple has raising tigers with humans and creating a living space for them. They’re considered harmless, and we were told we could kiss them if we wanted. If you paid extra (not much) you were allowed to play with the baby tigers and feed them bottles. If you paid even more, you could stand in a cage during the large tiger’s raw meat feeding and retreat to their den. It was absolutely amazing. Be careful when you book your tour because a lot of people go to temples named “tiger temples” but they don’t have live tigers.

Bridge over the River Kwai

The Bridge over the River Kwai is a WWII memorial

Elephants

Elephant Kisses

We got elephant rides, massages, and elephant kisses in our ears. What could be funnier than that?

Train

Breakdown/flood

The "worst flood in Thai history"

On our 16 hour overnight train from Bangkok to Suratthani, we halted 30 minutes before our intended destination. The train didn’t move for an hour, and suddenly a Thai man came out of nowhere and told all the foreigners to get out of the train. We quickly shuffled off the train and into the rain and waited for an hour for a bus to Suratthani. On our bus, we started to notice the water levels were high, and suddenly things were put into perspective when we saw Thai teenagers running around with water up to their waists. The bus was driving through water that almost entirely covered the wheels. I learned later that we were stuck in the “worst flood in Thailand in 10 years”. Horrible inconvenience, way cool pictures.

Krabi

Can you believe I didn't download this from the internet?!

M y suggestion: don’t go to Krabi unless you like it quiet. The government has laws requiring bars to shut down at 2am so the town lends itself to families. Although, we did get a room for 3 people for $10 USD. That’s $3.33 per person. That’s amazing. Regardless of the lack of closed shower, and toilet flusher, and air conditioning, I loved it. I spent less on our hotel room than the average Cold Stone concoction I get.

Ko Phi Phi

This was by far my favorite part of the trip. I loved Ko Phi Phi more than anywhere else I’ve ever been . EVER. I don’t just suggest going there; I highly highly almost forcibly encourage it.

Ferry

Ko Phi Phi

When we got on the 9am ferry from Krabi to Ko Phi Phi, we noticed that there wasn’t a single suitcase to be found. The entire boat was filled with backpacks, and the crowd was made up of outgoing travelers, most of which were spending an indefinite amount of time in Thailand during a multi-month traveling stint. This care-free traveling was everywhere and the energy was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. It was easy to become friends with someone you met that morning on the ferry, and the energy was perfect. On our first day we took less than 50 steps from our hotel room to the beach and spent the afternoon lounging around watching the tide move in and out. The water was so shallow that you could walk out 500 meters and still only be up to your knees, plus it was impossibly clear (which made a mid-day pee quite difficult).

Ko Phi Phi Nightlife

Limbo at Slinky Bar

When it started getting later, the bars and clubs in the area start handing out flyers with promotions. Truly my yia-yia’s granddaughter, I decided why not get the free stuff while it lasts? So, we hopped from bar-to-bar with free bucket specials according to the time. Bar A had a special from 11:10-11:20PM, we were there, Bar B had a special from 11:40 – 12:00PM, that was stop #2. On Ko Phi Phi you really don’t have to spend much money on alcohol if you plan right.

That's me attempting to dance with fire

Our favorite end point was Slinky Bar, which was a stage on the beach that from far away looked like a carnival. There were fire-dancers performing (they let me try too!), huge light-up jump rope, body paint, light-up limbo with free shots if you were successful, and a massive stage on the beach that was filled every night.

I repeat. Go to Ko Phi Phi. Go to Slinky Bar. Everyone else on the island will be there. You will not regret it, unless you’re my father… then go without me. Seriously. Waking up with 110 mosquito bites was worth this place.

Thai Massages

That night we got Thai massages, where I was held down by a middle-aged Thai woman as she twisted the upper half of my body around until every bone cracked. She individually pulled each of my toes so the joints cracked, flicked my ears, and rubbed my butt by placing herself on all fours on my backside and shaking from side to side. It was definitely marked #2 for weird massage experiences in Asia. My opinion on Thai massages: they really do get your full body, but if you want to get rid of the knots in your back, just get that.

Maya Beach, Snorkeling, Cliff jumping

The next morning we woke up, still covered in fluorescent body paint from the night before and rented a private guide to show us around. First, he took us to Maya Beach, a national park where Leonardo DiCaprio’s The Beach was filmed.

Since it was a national park, they wanted us to pay, but if we snuck onto the other side of the island, it was free, so we put on snorkel masks and swam over sharp rocks and climbed this treacherous staircase

to get to it. It was worth it though, that was the most perfect scenery I have ever seen. Not to mention, Leonardo DiCaprio was there.

Maya Beach

We snorkeled around for awhile (which was breathtaking… the fish literally eat bananas out of your hands) and then Mikael and I jumped off a cliff. *this is the part that comes up in every blog post where I apologize to my mom. SORRY MOM.*

Can you see me crouching at the top? BAHHH!

Our guide pointed to a random cliff with no ladder, no lifeguard, no national park observer and no way up and said “this is where people jump”. So we did it. Mikael and I climbed up this ridiculously steep rocky area by swinging our legs onto jagged edges (no ropes, nothing) to the top of a 30-40meter cliff. Up at the top there is nothing telling you how deep the water is, just an endless view of blue ocean. It took me literally 5 minutes and a lot of shouting to jump, but after I did, it was 2 seconds of feeling tangibly alive.

Phuket

Restaurant

After taking the ferry back from Ko Phi Phi, we decided Phuket was a wasteland. There was no more ice blue water, no more crazy mountain looking rocks jutting out of the ocean, no more Leonardo DiCaprio. Phuket did have the best Thai food we consumed the whole week though. My Pina Colada was made with actual chunks of coconut (served IN the coconut of course) and our Thai teas were delicious.

Yum yum yum crab curry

We got curry with crab, fish baked in some Thai spicy sauce, and stir fried calamari. Eating anything after eating that meal is just semi-sad. It was SO good. Also, there is no tide in Phuket. Literally no tide. Check that out. We could see crabs forever running around.

Weird view in Phuket

Overall, there is nowhere I’d rather be than Thailand. There is something about the energy of the tourists, the locals, the food, the ocean, the laid-back nature, really everything that is really contagious. I am trying to figure out how I can get back there ASAP.

If anyone wants to come- I’m going to Chiang Mai and Ko Pangang for a full-moon party. Until then… I will stare at my pictures in disbelief that I actually went to a place on earth that looked like this. Closing note: Don’t ask questions, just GO TO THAILAND.

สวัสดี- Sa-Wat-Dee- Hello

งานเลี้ยง- Ngān leī̂yng- Party

Traveling the World in 6 Hours, The 2010 World Exposition in Shanghai

2010-10-26T00:44:00.002+08:00

You could say today was productive, I traveled the world.

The inside of the Vietnam Pavilion

I was able to go to Yemen and get a henna tattoo spanning my entire arm, eat stewed beef and sweet rice in Turkey, pick out rugs in Afghanistan, differentiate wines in Chile, pray in Vietnam, look at art in Bahrain, watch flamenco dancers right outside Cuba, and see almost every other country along the way in the process.

Is my bank account broken? No. Am I George Clooney in “Up in the Air”? No. I went to the 2010 World Exposition in Shanghai, China.

The South Korea Pavillion

The Mexico Pavillion

Wait, what IS the Expo?!

The Expo is a space where all the countries of the world fill huge structures with displays that highlight their culture and strengths. This year, the theme was environmental sustainability, and many pavilions showed how they believe their country improves the quality of the world. Some countries are super small, and in that event, there are pavilions to groupings, so there are a lot of African countries in one place, as well as the Middle East and Central America. In addition to the International pavilions, there are themed pavilions (urban planet, volunteer service, etc.) and huge some businesses such as Coke, DICC, China Railroad, etc

They also have an adorable mascot named Haibao (海宝) that looks just like Gumby. He is based on the second part of the word for Shanghai (上海) meaning water. Haibao is everywhere around China, you can’t escape him… but really who would want to?!

Haibao! *My favorite pastime is watching my Italian friend Sebastian ask every Chinese person in sight where to find this guy*

The China Pavillion

First, let me just give you some preliminary numbers:

$48 billion- the amount of money spent on preparations for the Expo

70 million- the number of visitors that have come to see the Expo in Shanghai.

242- the number of countries that have participated (which is the largest number in Expo history)

6- the number of months the Expo has stayed open

5.28- the number of square kilometers the space takes up

5- the number of hours you need to enter the pavilion of a big country (Italy, Australia, Spain, Russia, etc.)

100- the number of days I wish I could have stayed

To be honest, the Expo reminded me of my favorite theme park ever, no… not Valleyfair, not Sea World, not Disney’s the Magic Kingdom… but Epcot. Yes, my favorite amusement park is Epcot. I remember visiting as a child and wishing that all the different cultures the world could be this easily accessible (ambitious little third grader, huh?), and going to the Expo in Shanghai brought back all of those feelings. It was amazing to see so many places I have on my “places to go” list, and see little pieces from their country. The henna in Yemen was incredible, my friend Kassie and I lounged on pillows and a woman with a chador spent 20 minutes detailing each of our arms while at least 50 Chinese people lined up to watch in amazement. The Expo really hit the mark in terms of educating about different places, and I loved every minute of it.

The woman from Yemen doing Henna Tattoos

How my tattoo ended up. DON'T WORRY MOM. IT'S TEMPORARY.

Unfortunately, due to embarrassment and a lack of national pride, I did not enter the USA pavilion, which I heard was sub-par; on the outside our building is plain and uninspiring (I can’t tell if this is symbolism or a fluke) but I hear we apparently have nice “environmentally friendly policies and products” that we highlight. I am not exactly burning to visit. Oops…

The USA Pavilion

The Iraq Pavilion

The themed pavilion for Urban Planet though, was by far the best part of the Expo for me. My friend Szu pointed it out, we ran in without a line, and saw an hour of uninterrupted hypotheses for sustainable development, including ocean homes that look like spaceships. It was one of the most moving and educational days of my semester by far.

Me eating locally at the Urban Planet Theme Pavilion

Submerged Ocean-Houses in the Urban Planet Pavilion

The only problem with the Expo is the lines; I am pretty sure today’s number of visitors to the Expo was around 1 million visitors, and when it comes to bumping and shoving, you can definitely tell. The wait to see a pavilion can range from 15 minutes to 5 hours, of which hundreds of Chinese families will wait, sometimes letting their children pee mid-line so as to not lose their spot. The highest demand pavilions include Australia, China, Italy, France, Russia, and Japan. Unfortunately, I did not have the time to visit any of these, but they were by far the most stunning from the outside.

The Canada Pavilion

I have heard the argument that the Expo has caused the international community to become competitive, by highlighting their successes against each other; but after an entire day of country-hopping, I felt quite different. I believed the Expo was incredibly inclusive, and promoted global tolerance. Case and point, at the end of the Chile exhibit, they invite you to try their wine bar and have a glass with them, and in a Turkish restaurant, the workers tried slowly pronouncing the ways to say “doner kebab ke pilafi” so my friends and I could eat like Turks. What was my best moment? After getting my henna tattoo, I was grabbed on the arm by a man selling bejeweled lamps, and told ”my princess, you are Arabian now”.

世界博览会- Shìjìe Bólǎnhuì The Chinese name for the Expo

世界- Shijie- World, What I was able to see.

公主- Gongzhu- Princess, What I insist on being called from now on.

Goldilocks and the 3 Monks

2010-10-14T23:00:00.000+08:00

There are times when you feel at-home in an entirely new place. Traveling artists often feel like this in dark, cozy New York Cafes; athletes from around the world may feel this way climbing Macchu Piccu in Peru, and for some reason I felt like this in the middle of western China, at a Tibetan Buddhist monastery.

Our first day in Gansu Province was spent in Lanzhou, an area known for its Tibetan monastery. This monastery is especially famous because it is one of the few surviving mass destruction during the Chinese Cultural Revolution. At this monastery, large numbers of people make their spiritual pilgrimage every year, and devotees can spend decades studying in any one of the six schools (including philosophy, medicine, and scripture). Tibetan Buddhism is characterized by its skepticism as well as devotion to the guru. Monks spend hours each day meditating, debating, and focusing on the “emptiness of inherent existence”.

I have absolutely no idea what the monks are doing here, but it IS interesting!

We toured the monastery, especially struck by its tranquility and intricate, earthy artwork. Unfortunately I was unable to take many pictures, but to see 30 meter high Buddhas made of copper, surrounded by walls of multicolored painting layered in soft grey dirt was breathtaking. The main rooms for group prayer have long rows of cushioned pillows for the monks to sit on, and hanging from the ceiling are long pieces of jewel toned fabrics, mostly maroon and gold (yes, I know. those are Griffindor colors). Each room had its own collection box filled with $1 and $5 pieces, but there was no urgent sense from the monks that they needed our money (contrary to my experience with organized religious institutions in the United States).

In order to become a monk, you are chosen at a young age, and sent to live at the monastery to learn scripture. It is a believed to be a great honor for any family to send their child to learn at the monastery; I have a feeling I should have let my mother know how well renowned monks were when she would threaten to send me to a nunnery after I misbehaved!

If you were not chosen at a young age, I will let you know…

How to become a monk:

When you enter, you are not allowed to own anything. The only exceptions are medications and toothbrushes. The monks are given identical maroon robes to wear upon their arrival. Originally, the robes were made of cloth that nobody wanted. It would be gathered from women that stained their dresses with menstrual blood or from cremation grounds (today, the cloth is no longer scoured from garbage cans, but donated). It is then dyed by being boiled with vegetable matter such as bark, flowers, and leaves. Some were boiled with saffron, giving them an orangey-yellow color.

My burning question of the month… what is under the robes?! Boxers? Briefs? Do they have monk underwear? I guess, considering their lifestyle, I may never know!

You then must take a test (below), if you have a condition such as epilepsy, you most likely will not be able to become a monk due to risks in health insurance (the monastery covers your health insurance if you live there).

First, a health test

QUESTIONS	ANSWERS
Do you have leprosy?	No
Do you have boils?	No
Do you have eczema?	No
Do you have tuberculosis?	No
Do you have epilepsy?	No

Then you must take a personal test

Questions	Answers
Are you a human being?	Yes
Are you a man?	Yes
Are you a free man?	Yes
Are you free from debts?	Yes
Are you free from government service?	Yes
Do you have your parent’s permission?	Yes
Are you at least 20 years of age?	Yes
Do you have your bowl and you robes?	Yes
What is your name?	My name is Arielle
What is the name is your preceptor?	Name preceptor

After this, you must agree to adhere to the Ten Precepts of Buddhism. These are as follows

Ten Precepts

1. Do not harm the life of others

2. Do not steal

3. NO SEX (don’t even ask me about the “bases” concept)

4. No lying

5. No drugs and alcohol

6. No food between noon and dawn

7. No dancing, singing, listening to music, or watching shows

8. No perfumes, cosmetics, or anything that bears relation to seduction

9. Remember your ranking

10. Do not accept anyone’s money

What I found interesting about Buddhism is that a monk can “return the robe” and take it back anytime. If you decide to be a temporary monk, you can do so, renounce all bodily objects, and then when ready, go back to a normal life. In order to “return the robe” you recite a declaration that must be understood by the person it is addressed to (language barriers are a problem, be aware). If you are not careful, you can accidentally do it wrong and acquire the status of a “lay person”. From what I understand, this is a person who has acted wrongly while still under the influence of the robe, and still under the name of a “Buddhist Monk”. This could apply to sexual acts and alcohol consumption.

As we were leaving the monastery, we saw a group of American tourists pull out a Frisbee and toss it to a monk. After a few minutes, there was a large circle of both Tibetan monks and young students playing with these bro-looking boys from Connecticut. As watched, my apprehension to temporarily join the monastery dissolved, and after another minute it made no difference who had vowed to be celibate or who was able to eat midnight snacks. We were all people, living the same daily “emptiness of inherent existence”, making the most of each other’s company.

和尚- He Shang- buddhist monk. my future temporary profession

Arielle + Brothel + Chinese Police = Trouble

2010-10-06T01:25:00.000+08:00

It was only a matter of time before I had an encounter with the Chinese police, but I can't say anyone is surprised that it happened. The worst part of it is that 14 department officials later (because you have to remember that this is China) not much happened except screaming and tea-drinking.

You're probably confused, so I will start from the beginning.

After a night of camping in the Gobi Desert *I know, cool, right?!* some friends and I decided to get the oh-so-familiar cheap Chinese massage, which typically goes for $15 USD/hour. We had no idea where to go, so we asked our taxicab driver to take us to the best inexpensive massage place in town.
He took us to the Friendship Hotel. Fail. We should have turned around here, you can probably infer what point i'm trying to make about the friendships made in said hotel.

This is nothing like what we saw in China

Anyways, we were absolutely clueless as we stumbled in and checked out the prices for a back massage. After we settled on $108 Yuan (roughly $16 USD) for a back-and-leg massage, we were led into a small locker room.
"GET NAKED, go in shower" the Chinese woman said. The five of us were in utter disbelief. Naked? Together? Naked? We had been in study abroad for around a month, and solid friends, but that is not naked status yet. We told her that we had all showered right before arriving and that we were clean but this woman was not taking no for an answer.
So we did it. The five of us ran around a shower room with pictures of equally naked women on the walls. If you feel uncomfortable reading this right now, imagine how we felt. Blech. Our skepticism didn't start until we were sitting in the sauna, and a woman came in to ask us if we wanted to pay someone to towel us dry. "Towel us dry? Why would we ever want that?" Again... we should have understood what was going on here, but the story continues.

Dripping wet, we were given pajamas that looked like pediatrician scrubs as well as tiny tiny little disposable underwear, and all matching, we marched upstairs.

These are roughly what our little outfits looked like

We were shown into a room without any massage tables, but instead with hotel beds, curtains, photographs of naked women and red lighting. I repeat... we should have left. Three women came into our room and gave me the most mediocre massage I have ever received. I was slapped around for 45 minutes as she gabbed to her co-workers. Since when is this a relaxing environment? I don't know, but for some reason *hint* massages didn't seem to be something they practice often.

Minus the blondie, no joke, the massage rooms looked just like this.

After our 45 minutes of mediocrity, we went down to pay and saw a receipt including an extra (but unexpected) $30 Yuan for clothes and $68 Yuan (roughly $15 USD) for our showers that we didn't want to take.
We told the woman behind the desk that the mandatory showers weren't listed on the menu, and she continued to point and say we ordered it. Just because something is on a menu and I looked at it doesn't mean I ordered it. Needless to say, we screamed for an hour. In Chinese. Finally, we just said "here is the money we agreed upon", threw our cash on the desk and walked out. The front desk ladies shouted to their door-women and two body-guards as we ran outside.
So there we were, four Americans stopped in the street with the hotel manager physically standing in a cab's way, screaming over less than $10 USD each. After another 20 minutes of shouting, we paid the bogus charges and got in the cab, fuming. After venting to our RA Patty, she said "that is unfair, we should go back with the police".

So we did. We got the local police.

At first, they listened to our story and said "this is not our problem", they called the head of the Travel Bureau to come over. Next, they decided that it was necessary to call the head of the Tourism Bureau and finally the Merchant Services Bureau. Needless to say, we walked into the hotel with a small army of men in hats, looking like we meant business.

14 shouting people and 4 large vats of tea later, we were handed back all of our money and told by the Merchant Services Bureau department head "This is how you do business in China, you need to understand it and get used to it". This was not a warning, but a justification. I am still shocked at the lack of integrity in that kind of business practice. Overall, we came out with something other than our $68 Yuan. We realized that it is completely possible to find an official that is willing to help you, and with enough arguing, you can do anything in China. It made me realize juts how hungry this environment is for business, and I will be much more careful about money situations from now on.

My two pieces of advice to prospective travelers: make damn sure what the price is, and don't be afraid to shout at them.

警察 Jingcha- police
妓院- Jiyuan- brothel